ALTHOUGH I AM IN JOLLY OLD ENGLAND, where, sadly, there is no Thanksgiving, I can still be thankful!
THANK YOU, ANIMALS
When you see pictures of animals, they are ALWAYS SMILING - proof of the JOY AND PRIDE only they can feel when providing food and clothing for humanity. Hooray for animals!
THANK YOU, SUVs
According to a book called "SUV," the "sport" in sport utility refers to outdoor activities. These outdoor activities allow us to attack nature, RATHER THAN EACH OTHER. For that reason, SUVs are instruments for peace, as they allow us to kayak instead of kill. Against SUVS? You have blood on your hands. (If an SUV was a musical instrument, it would be a sitar. In contrast, a Prius would be a kazoo.)
THANK YOU, MCDONALDS.
No company has done more to help feed the world in an affordable manner than McDonalds. Yes, maybe it's not organic. But clown feces is organic, and I don't want to eat that. Thank you McDonalds. No thank you, clown feces.
THANK YOU, THE DEATH PENALTY
If it wasn't for the Death Penalty, I never would have read about the thoughtful and intelligent convicted murderer Tookie Williams (he writes children’s books). After he is executed, I am definitely going to buy his autobiography.
THANK YOU, PESTICIDES
If fruits and vegetables were people, we would call what insects do to them "rape." Pesticides are nature's "rape whistles." Conclusion: People who hate pesticides are probably rapists.
THANK YOU, GUNS
Gun ownership consumes the time and effort of people who advocate gun control, diverting their attention from creepy people like me who possess disturbingly large collections of knives, as well as serpent swords, crossbows, Hindu axes, Turkish daggers, German sabres, a sharpened wizard stick and more than a handful of throwing stars.
THANK YOU, FOX NEWS
I know some people say that the Fox News Channel is biased. I happen to disagree. And it's that kind of debate you won't find on CNN.
HONORABLE MENTIONS! ATT: THIS IS THE STUFF THAT'S GOING TO BE HOT NEXT YEAR!!!
Dan Brown. If you've never heard of him, he wrote this book called the Da Vinci Code, which is about the Bible but really is a detective/religious thriller! But don't let that scare you...it's a total page-turner! I
recommend it. This book is going to be huge.
The IPOD. Not sure if it's caught on in the states yet, but it's quite popular over here. You can "download" songs onto the little device and play it. It's also very sleek. I wear it on the bus and listen to cool edgy bands like the Cranberries.
Tapas. Sometimes when I can't eat a lot, these small meals are just the right thing to "hit the spot!" I predict it will be a big restaurant trend in the near or possibly nearer future.
The White Stripes. Did you know they are brother and sister? Or at least that's what they're telling people! ;) I think they're going to be bigger than Duran Duran.
Lost. I always hate being ahead of the curve, and telling people what to watch - because they just look at me like I’m a big fat idiot! But I have to say, it's a shame more people don't know about this TV show.
Matt Damon. He's ditching high-profile romance in favor of marrying a 29-year old barmaid. "It's the best thing that's happened to me," he told Now Magazine. I agree. Marrying a fellow celebrity can only intensify the press scrutiny, and I just don't think Heath Ledger could have handled it.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! AND DON'T FORGET TO RECYCLE