The Blog

Global Warming Destroying Baseball. George Bush to Address the Nation.

Evidently, the President is aware that there is a crucial link between Al Gore and Global Warming and has ordered Cheney to listen in on all of the former Vice President's phone calls.
|
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

The White House was content to let global warming destroy glaciers, flood over minor cities like Venice, and start another ice age in Europe (don't support our right to bomb other countries and God will punish you) but now that the news is in that April was the warmest April in history and this warming trend had an impact of Major League Baseball http://www.nytimes.com, the rumor mills are cranking away that the Republicans view this as a way to flip the issue and use it to their advantage in the fall elections.

Instead of speaking on Immigration early this coming week, watch for Bush to turn the tables on the Democrats, according to some DC insiders, and defend our nation's pastime.

"If Global Warming thinks that it's going to destroy baseball records that have stood for decades, I have two words for Al Gore," the President is rumored to have said this morning in a private briefing, "bring it on."

Evidently, the President is aware that there is a crucial link between Al Gore and Global Warming and has ordered Cheney to listen in on all of the former Vice President's phone calls and report back directly to Karl Rove in jail about how to frame the issue in the upcoming elections.

"President Bush stands up and defends America's national pastime -- Democrats seek more cricket players." is a potential lead story on Fox tonight.

"Bush vows to fight Global Warming over there before we have to fight it over here." is the back-up.

"Global Warming: Dead or Alive" did not make the cut -- neither did "Global Warming: Mission Accomplished" despite that being Cheney's personal favorite.

Nervous Democrats, worried that the Republicans will claim they are weak on baseball statistics, have cautiously supported the President. A leaked document out of Harry Reid's office claims that the President is right to worry that Global Warming is destroying baseball tradition as we know them such as they are -- we may disagree on how we tackle this critical issue but as Americans, we must join together and fight this common enemy.

Nancy Pelosi's office has made no official statement today and will make no statement until focus groups are conducted asking undecided voters in Tubekistan whether they are for or against higher batting averages.

Environmentalists remained somewhat stunned by the turn of events -- though some do worry when the President realizes that Al Gore has been speaking out against Global Warming not for it, the Republicans will stick their heads back in the sand.

Others believe that the only thing more important to the President than oil is baseball and if this is what it takes to get the President focused on Global Warming -- it's a good thing -- maybe the President will even go see "An Inconvenient Truth" http://www.climatecrisis.net when it comes out at the end of May. Then again, maybe not.

Before You Go

Popular in the Community