Let me start by saying I've been writing blog-posts for the Huffington Post since this past July, mostly on the topic of conscious dating, and I'm currently writing a book focused on that theme.
Not long after I started blogging for HP, Valerie Gangas (author of the superb Enlightenment Is Sexy: Every Woman's Guide to a Magical Life) turned me on to her extraordinary editor and writing coach.
"Judy, you don't need to concern yourself with the outcome. God is your employer."
These words from Willy Mathes--now my editor and writing coach, as well--will continue steeping in me for a lifetime. Think of Willy not so much as a scary dude with a big red ink pen and a thesaurus attached to his belt, but more of a-... well, if Yoda and John Keating, the inspiring teacher from Dead Poet's Society, had a baby.
Sure, he delivers up exceptional technical editorial skill (you know, the "who, whom" stuff I still struggle with), but there's another piece he provides, which I've realized is essential to me and my emerging life as a writer: the belief that we all have a divine purpose and when you're on track with yours, the world is a better place for all of us.
In a nutshell (my words, not his), Willy's "work" is helping people like me find, hone and develop their sacred, most authentic voice in the realm of writing.
The conversation we had--during which he reminded me, "God is your employer"--came about in a coaching session focused around me having "writers block." Eventually, I realized it was caused (mostly) by my sales and marketing brain butting into things it shouldn't. You see, I'd been at my "other job" so long I never considered myself a writer. Instead, I just saw myself as "lucky" -- an idea follows me around until I write about it, and then some very nice people at publications I deeply respect run my blogs (e.g., Huffington Post, Enlightenment Is Sexy).
So, when I told Willy this and expressed how stuck I felt, he went quiet for a few moments. And then he spoke with a calm knowingness.
"You are a writer, and your job is to tune into what your true voice is saying and write that. Judy, you don't need to concern yourself with the outcome. God is your employer."
Can I hear an "Amen!" for that?
I write now because I am in joy when I do, I'm inspired when I do, and I hope you, the reader, benefits. (That, however, is up to God.)
My point of view about conscious dating is a reflection of my life: a working knowledge and understanding of "the Rules of the Game," but with a lot more brought to the table from meditating, studying and practicing the principles of the Gita and other inspirational works . . . and really paying attention to what works and what doesn't work in the nurturing of healthy relationships.
As The Course in Miracles says, "Relationships are assignments" . . . designed to further our spiritual growth if we're open and allow that. My thoughts on conscious dating are a synthesis of the most enduring concepts and principles gleaned from being a spiritual seeker, with the best of what I've learned from dating and listening to others share about dating, fused with my affinity for growing things. I would call it a "middle way" perspective.
Certainly, I think there's value in a lot of the dating material out there. I just have a different take on the foundation and execution of it. I believe women are whole and complete without a man. I also believe choosing a life partner is a highly important-... no, a sacred decision, not some scary race to the finish line to "fit in."
My intention is to share a voice that brings some illumination to the subject of dating - I want to encourage you to "tap in and listen," rather than "focus on the pressure to get hitched." Part of my passion for this topic is having withstood a ridiculous amount of pressure myself to couple up when, in fact, the person I was dating was "my growth lesson," not "my person."
Here's my bottom line: You are unique, amazing and worthy of waiting for the right man, your divine right partner. Your friends and family are well intentioned, but if you're on the conscious dating path, they may not understand the simple difference I do: it's not "enough" to bag some guy -- you deserve YOUR guy.
I'm clear my message resonates with a certain emerging tribe of women: yoga practitioners, meditators, healing arts people, natural health and organic diet people, etc. and less so with others. Whoever is listening, the "scarcity mentality "about men is a LIE and needs to GO, NOW.
I've intentionally retracted from people, places and things I feel dissonant with regarding this topic . . . and to be honest, I'm so much more fulfilled and happy for it. If I have one suggestion above all, it's to reframe any negativity or scarcity mentality you may have about men, a.s.a.p. ("All men cheat," "There are not enough men," etc.).
If necessary, get the help of a qualified counselor to unravel those sorts of beliefs or attitudes, and free yourself, once and for all.
In my heart of hearts, I believe if you "get out there" and earnestly live more consciously, with a sincere focus on self-care and self-love, intending to grow, and tapping into your dharma, the life purpose that makes your heart sing and challenges you to live and enjoy your best life--in other words, to do your "work" for God/The Universe/your Higher Power . . . your true Employer--it becomes more likely you WILL meet the "who you are and what you seek."