In a statement just released this morning, God told Republican Roy Moore to concede his loss to Democrat Doug Jones as the newly-elected senator from Alabama. “It’s over, you great big jackass,” God wrote. “Save yourself, and all of us, the embarrassment and do it. I’m not kidding.” God also wrote:
Do not--I repeat--do not drag me into this. You can wait patiently for Me and you can quote as many Psalms as you like, so let Me make things perfectly clear: I am not in control of the Alabama election process, nor do I want to be. If I had anything to say about candidates, George Carlin would have been elected President years ago, so that gives you some idea of what I think about politics. Okay? Got it? Because I can happily drop you back into that horrible pit of clay any damned time I want.
In closing, God wished a happy Hanukkah to Roy Moore’s Jewish attorney and suggested that he seriously consider getting another client.