Let's Have a Conversation
with Phil Parker
Welcome to Grandpa Does Grandma: The ABCs of Senior Sex.
About 27 years ago, I gave up golf to concentrate on my marriage. My second wife, aka Sassy Grandma, didn't play golf and according to her, "A woman convinced against her will, remains unconvinced still." With golf being out of the question I turned my full attention toward our relationship and our enhanced intimacy. It worked. I made the right choice.
Several nights ago, in the early morning hours, I had an epiphany. I realized that golf has much in common and is not much different than sex. REALLY? Have I lost my mind? I know that's probably what you're thinking. No, not really. Let me tell you why.
My first ah ha: Your libido resides in your brain while your golf clubs reside in your bag. A second insight: It's been said by many of the great golfers that golf is played between the ears. In other words, it's a mind game. Sex is also a mind game albeit played between the sheets.
Every golf course presents a unique set of challenges. Similarly, one's intimate partner creates challenges as well. While good course management may lead to a successful round of golf, understanding the anatomical and emotional challenges of your partner is a big plus in reaching our sexual objectives. Professional golfers increase their skills by hitting hundreds of balls every day. Of course, I'm not suggesting, however, we can engage in sex or intimacy at the same frequency. In golf good hands are a prerequisite. They are also a requirement for great sex. As we become more adroit at sex and intimacy we must also have a solid plan as to how to play our game. This includes realistic expectations. Understanding the complex emotional and physical terrain of our partner is critical. On the golf course or in a relationship, overcoming the challenges is the key to success in both endeavors.
Let's address the standard equipment necessary to play golf i.e. clubs and balls. Each club is a different length, each has its' own purpose. For example, the driver: it usually has a cover on it while the penis, if having sex with multiple partners, should have a condom on it. In golf, the saying goes, "Drive for show and putt for dough." I know men like to think they all have the BIG kahuna! Actually, it's their putter that gets the ball where it needs to be. In golf we usually have dozens of balls. As male sexual partners only two are necessary.
Each golf course is different. Every golfer is challenged by wind, water, rain and sand. In continuing this comparison, sexuality and intimacy are also affected by challenges such as a partner's age, headaches, job loss, children, and poor health and lack of desire. Familiarity with the golf course allows the players to better manage their game. This is no different than being familiar with your spouse/partner's vulnerability in order to enjoy a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual experience. Bottom line: Golf is technical and sex is emotional.
Golf greens are designed in different sizes and shapes. To be successful you have to know how to read the greens. The same holds true for satisfying sexual intimacy. You must understand and appreciate your partner. In golf the ultimate goal is to get the ball into the hole in as few strokes possible. It's not my intention to discuss the ins and outs of sexual intercourse in this article. Suffice to say, during the latter, more strokes would make for a better result.
One last note: The word GOLF is derived from Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden. How things have changed!
Until our next conversation ... I welcome your feedback.
Earlier on Huff/Post50: