Many big things to resolve on Gossip Girl this week. Like how to get from DUMBO to the Upper East Side in eight minutes. Or what's behind the academic philosophy of Constance-Billard. On to the pressing issues:
8:03 No, no, no! Breakfast does not work this way on week days! Moving this up the list to my single biggest pet peeve about the show.
8:04 Some chick named Poppy pointedly tells Serena that she's repeating the same old tired storylines...hmm, kinda like this TV show I know.
8:05 And again, a minute later, they reference how contrived and TVish this feels. Too meta for my taste. I don't need to be reminded that this is a TV show...I can tell by the lavish breakfast buffets!
8:07 Is Eric shrinking?
8:13 What the hell would Chuck know about lighting a "green twig" with a "soggy match
"? Or using a "rusty hammer" to hit an "icy nail"? Clearly he thinks those are cocktails or sex acts. And if that's the case, I wouldn't mind drinking a Rusty Hammer while someone gives me a Soggy Match.
8:19 Dorota explains what may be keeping Nate, based on her personal experience. This means that Dorota has been on a date before. And that someone made her cry...for which that man will rot in hell.
8:20 Maybe the reason that Nate won't kiss Blair is because she's dressed like an Amish woman.
8:21 Chuck is sitting by the fire in a Hugh Hefner costume staring at the elevator. Luckily for him, Vanessa walks in, but I have to assume Chuck sits like this all night, every night, just praying that someone happens by to see him.
8:28 While I recover from the fact that Dorota seems to have a boyfriend, I'll just point out that a doorman in a building like the van der Woodsen's would never stand around reading a book.
8:29 Hmm don't know what to make of that convo in the elevator between Dan and Jenny. It just seemed really...sweet.
8:32 Chuck and Vanessa's subsequent elevator convo about their future sex tape leak...not quite as sweet.
8:36 Jello, juice cups, little girls dancing - for a party that's supposed to be out of control, this rager is pretty comparable to my second grade class birthday.
8:40 The list of people acting absurd this episode: Jenny (for being such a jerk about her party), Vanessa (for taking a taxi to the dark side with Chuck), Nate (for leaving that bedroom without giving Blair an Icy Nail), and Poppy (for being named Poppy).
8:53 What's more fun than watching the new and creative ways that they try to hide Lily's ginormous stomach? At this point it'd be less conspicuous to cover her in one of those fake pregnant bellies.
8:55 I've said it before and I'll say it again...Nate is just a really great dude.
8:56 Come on! Dan's "fan" is his half-brother!? And then the dad says "he knows". Maybe I'm a simpleton, but I have no idea what he's implying. As for Chuck and Vanessa, I hope I'm done vomiting by the time next week's episode is on.
'Til then, stay spotting like a redhead with chicken pox.