I have trouble falling asleep at night. Donald Trump keeps me awake. I thought that by now I would have absorbed the election results and learned to live with them. But instead of getting better, it's getting worse, as Trump rolls out the names of Presidential appointees. Rudolph Giuliani scares me and Stephen Bannon terrifies me. Are these the faces that I will have to look at and listen to for the next four years?
After President Obama's last press conference, I felt somewhat better. Perhaps the presidency will have some impact on Trump and he will modify his views. But then, pow! He throws out another tweet, claiming he would have won the popular vote too, if only he had campaigned more in other states. He cannot accept victory with grace. Despair washes over me.
Talking to my friends and family at dinner, at the super market, in my yoga class, the phrase repeated most often is "I'm scared." Scared for those who will be deported, scared about our civil rights, scared about Trump as commander in chief, and scared about what his Supreme Court appointees will rule.
I think of my grandchildren who woke up crying when they heard the election results. Their parents and I tried to calm them down. "I lost an election once," I explained to them. "And the next time I won. The pendulum swings. We are still a democracy and have a strong constitution."
If I repeat this often enough to myself I may be able to believe it. But not yet.