In recent Supreme Court decisions regarding grandparent's rights, the justices indicated that parents are the decision makers about access to their children. However, that does not diminish the significant role of grandparents in the lives of their children and grandchildren, particularly during times of transition.
Recently our staff had a surprise grandparent shower for one of our staff members. I asked each guest to bring a story about their grandparents to share with others about the role their grandparents played in their lives or if they were a grandparent, what that meant to them. We went through three boxes of tissues as we recalled our grandparents baking, playing, taking us on trips, being there when we were sick. The roots of these loving relationships brought us to tears, along with the love that those of us who are grandparents have for our grandchildren.
What happens with divorce? There are multiple scenarios such as grandparents not being allowed access to their grandchildren, grandparents taking sides with their child and not the co parent, grandparents being badmouthed by one parent.
I worked with a teen whose grandparent used to pick her up from school to take her to counseling, week after week. He was her loving anchor who was always there for her. I worked with a family whose grandparent made the children take off clothes purchased by the co parent's parents. What does this do to children? When children are allowed to have a loving relationship with grandparents they feel special, have fun, learn how to do new things, "hear" their grandparents' wisdom. Grandparents become even more special as grandchildren get older and can reflect back on how their grandparents were always there for them.
- Be there for grandchildren: know their favorite games, books, other activities and engage with them.
What would you do if
- Your grandchildren told you he or she was told negative things about you by a parent?
Try to remember
- You are the adult and need to understand that you cannot put the child in the middle between you and your child or your child's former partner.
Your grandchildren need your love, now and forever!