This week is Thanksgiving in the US, a time when many of us reflect on what we’re grateful for in our lives.
There is a difference between saying you’re grateful for something and feeling gratitude.
Have you ever tried to appreciate someone but struggled to find the words and even when you said them, you couldn’t really feel it? Maybe you felt disconnected, fake, or robotic.
There is a subtle but very important difference between paying lip service to what you’re grateful for and doing it in an authentic way. I’ve had moments while trying to do a “gratitude practice” in which I struggle to connect to the feelings behind the words. And I’ve had other moments when I’ve swelled up so big and deep with gratitude that I felt like my heart could burst.
Sometimes gratitude just shows up, and when it does, it’s easy to feel.
You’re standing in the doorway watching your child sleeping, or you come home to see your dog bounding up with pure joy to greet you, or you’re sitting and watching a beautiful sunset.
When gratitude shows up, savor it.
It’s lovely to savor these moments when you feel spontaneous gratitude for something. Notice if you’re about to pick up your phone or do something else and see if you can sit with the big, wonderful feeling for just a split second longer.
And, for those times when gratitude isn’t naturally available, the key question is this:
Can you create that same big feeling of gratitude on demand?
Sometimes when we do a “gratitude practice” and make a list of all the things we’re grateful for, it doesn’t quite feel as good as in these naturally authentic moments. Why? The key has to do with really feeling gratitude by opening your heart and engaging your body, not just your mind, in the expression of gratitude.
How can you do this? Here are a few tips that work for me:
- Really imagine those that don’t have all the blessings you have. For example, you may think; “I’m grateful to have warm, running water.” When I just say that sentence, I don’t feel very much. But when I imagine some of the people in this world who don’t have access to clean drinking water, who have to walk miles to a water source and carry buckets of water on their heads to where they live, I suddenly feel more grateful for the miracle of turning on the tap and having water flow out.
- Use music or images to engage your heart and body. For many of us, hearing a particular song on the radio can trigger powerful emotions. You may want to try making a list of what you’re grateful for while listening to some music that moves you. Or watch a video like this one or this one to more deeply access your emotions and inner sense of gratitude.
- Get outside. Have you ever looked at a gorgeous sunset or some other wonder in nature and felt incredibly grateful for your life? Nature has a natural way of pulling us into gratitude, so spend some time outside the house this holiday week thinking about all you’re grateful for.
- Get personal. Think of someone in your life who made a difference to you, big or small. Then take a few moments out of your day to actually say a few kind words to that person. You can write them a short note, or just take the time to pause while you’re paying for your groceries and thank the person who always helps you. Having an interpersonal interaction can help you tune into how good it feels to express gratitude.
- Be guided. Listening to a guided meditation is another way to engage more of your body and heart in the practice of gratitude. Here’s one from our current 30 Day Challenge to get you started.
Experiment. Find what works for you. Then do it "On Demand."
Lastly, if you want more inspiration on how gratitude leads to happiness, check out this TED talk. And if you’ve found other ways to cultivate “Gratitude on Demand,” please comment and tell me what’s worked for you!
About Vanessa Loder
Vanessa Loder is an entrepreneur, speaker and writer whose mission is to support women in creating fulfilling lives aligned with their passions and values.
Here is a free Values Assessment tool to help you get clear on your values.
Vanessa received her MBA from Stanford University and is the Co-Founder of Mindfulness Based Achievement, the New MBA, which teaches high potential women leaders how to lean in without burning out. You can read more at Vanessa’s blog, or find her on twitter @vanessaloder.