Greece Moves Back in With Parents

Following the country's rejection of a European bailout, Greece has decided to temporarily move back in with its parents. "His father and I are happy to have our baby home again and help to get him up on his feet," said Hypatia, Greece's mother. "We did change his bedroom into a craft area for our decoupage flowerpots, but I'm sure he'll get used to the basement once the asbestos is removed. And, of course, my husband's plans for the wet bar will have to wait." **

Friends say Greece has been adjusting to this new living situation with surprising ease. "All he does is sleep, hang out at our old high school, and play Alien Crush on his TurboGrafx 16," says Herman Wittle, a former classmate of Greece's. "He says he's eventually going to find a part-time job to buy a car and put a deposit on an apartment, but he just goes on and on and on about a script he's writing that would be perfect for Will Ferrell."

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, "Why can't Greece just get a book deal or a series of lucrative speaking engagements? I was dead broke once, too, and look how far I've come since then."

** Sarantos, Greece's father, could not be reached for comment