Grief and Support

We all need support.

In dark days we are at times in our collective lives that seem only to bring sadness and frustration in our movements. To recognize grief in its non-linear stages, a totality of emotions and thoughts concerning our lives brings us to how we may be, in a blissed out, surrendered state in the present moments we ask ourselves to live within. Though we are torn, into the pathways of life, past and future concerns occurred and thought to possibly occur. I mustn't reason with myself, I often emphasize at times while immersed in denial, that this or that must be and perhaps I am just fine in my ignorance of how I truly am. But, when this denial may be seemingly beneficial at times, to ignore the reality of situations we encounter brings us to an unfortunate state indeed, that the lies we tell ourselves justifiably result in fear, anger, and dare I admit, depression as a very present and real temporal string of being to many of us walking this plane of existence. We suffer.

I've found recently, that actions done out of a fear have been far less encompassing to a fuller existence of my life in relation to a more blissful mode of living. Though there is a cycle present here, that to live strictly in bliss is not realistic and that to accept the full range of emotion within yourself and the other is empathy at its finest. The world I've lived in of late has been full of blissful surrender into the callings of my life in recent past weeks, but that period led to a deep fulfilling rebirth through quite a bit of laughter, crying upon my bedroom floor through the recognition of denial, anger, frustration, depression, and a joyful acceptance of past destinies, events lived and thought through. My experience has brought me to write this poem that opened my mind wide open to purpose:

The Rabbit and The Dragonfly

I never thought I'd rise above the wreckage of my love.
Though I walked into a Rabbit and a Dragonfly upon its back spoke:

And forth the winter winds they blew me
To conversations understated but most important truly,
Speaking upon restitutions, revelations, revolutions of interacting scientists
Engaged in poetry and misinterpreted madnesses of bliss.

For future times forebode tales of cities destined to repeat,
mistakes often laughed about through Platonic prose, an Atlantean defeat.
Yet this venomous thought protrudes me so
An undeniable logical and rational inevitability

Calling us all to fulfill our full abilities for who but anyone else but the children before your feet.

Belief in the other and self, cooperative union, knowledge seeking in contemplation, Until we cease,To hear the murmur of our own heartbeat.

You see, I had some troubles which threw me into planned approaches concerning a few individuals I had ignored in the past and have recently approached with the best intentions, speaking of past thoughts, regrets, feelings. The actions I've taken and continue to take, have been quite the learning experience and I am also realizing a much greater view of my own life in its spiritual and physical tonalities, that through the art of truth driven communication, I feel as if I have made progress in coming to a greater understanding on how to live my life in future moments. The very acts I am talking of have proven beneficial, but entail quite a bit of joy and suffering, finding both mutuality in communication and non-care depending on those I have contacted via written word or vocal phone calls to make further points of growth in relationship with the other, in close physical proximity most preferably. Though it took some patience and self-acceptance to get to the mode of existence I currently practice, I admit I mustn't ever forget my supports, the greatest being the family and friends I have made along the way.

I've come very far since I started sitting with Mark Agrusti, in meditation, conversation, action, living each other apart and together. In some of my most difficult days at home in State College, he was my greatest support and co-creator, opening me up to a community unlike any I had ever been apart of before, one engaged in yogic consciousness and artistic expression. A past destiny I had fallen into seemingly by coincidence or more justly in synchronicity, meeting him among others engaged in a flash mob of meditators, telling me, "just breathe." There I started a new path in my undergraduate college education towards healing my wounds, traumas, fears and thus forging new paths towards here in the now.