Healthy Living

Grief: You're Doing It Wrong

There is no expiration date on grief, no magic pill to "make it go away."
04/03/2017 11:31am ET | Updated April 3, 2017

Loss is loss. Loss leaves an agonizing lifetime sting along with a massive void in your heart. Loss sucks.

In the land of grief there are all different categories of loss.

Each one very personal, each one leaving someone learning how to live again. I have compared learning to live with my loss as to someone who is learning how to dance again, only with a limp.

I’m writing this post to tell you the society we live in is doing it all wrong. We are a society of emotionally impaired individuals fueled by social media, on an endless quest for our next fix. We want people to “get over it” and move on. But mourning the loss of a great love is not comparable to the latest Kardashian divorce. Mourning the loss of a great love lasts a lifetime.

The grief journey is an endless road of constant detours and pitfalls. Just yesterday I was minding my own business getting the mail when Bank of America sent me notification that the cosigner on my joint account died. Like I didn’t know that, thanks for the reminder guys. I went from fine to horrible in about three seconds. In big red ink there was my father’s name and the words “DECEASED.” My gut wrenching tears soaked through the letter sending my dog into a barking frenzy giving me the “what happened” look. I held onto the kitchen table for support as I rode yet another wave of grief.

It’s okay to not be okay.

It’s okay to lie in the ebb and flow of your tears and sorrow.

It has been five months my father is gone, yet I constantly find myself searching for him. I wait for his phone call, his email, his text, I search for his face in crowds.

My grief is endless.

The moment we suffer a loss of significance society hands you a pretty little grief mask. Once we expend our bereavement days, we are expected to exhibit this mask each time we step foot outside. Our masks are designed to camouflage our chaotic emotions, but most of all hide the fact that society fears mortality.

There is no expiration date on grief, no magic pill to “make it go away.” I lost a person of major significance in my life. I shared a lifetime of memories with this person; I simply cannot let it go. It would be a disservice to this person and our relationship. I lost my father, my hero, my best friend.

Anyone who is a member of the grief club gets this post. If you are fortunate to not be a member of our club and you read this, I am pleading with you to please understand that grief lasts a lifetime. Understand that where there is great love, there is great grief.

Be patient with us and be gentle with our hearts, they are broken.