I have been working with grievers for over 20 years. My grief book, Transcending Loss, was published 15 years ago and continues to help readers. One of the reasons for its enduring appeal is that it acknowledges the lifelong impact of grief. In it, I give grievers permission to feel their pain, find meaning in their loss, and stay connected to their dearly departed.
Our pain-averse culture wants to sweep grief under the carpet as quickly as possible. We prefer grievers to finish mourning in a timely manner so that we can all get back on schedule. Grief, however, is ongoing. It has many twists and turns that defy our best attempts at orderliness.
If you or someone you know is grieving, the following grief resource will help you understand what to expect.
What Grievers Cannot Do
- Get Over It -- Although stoicism is often admired, it is not healthy for grievers. The truth is that a major loss is devastating -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Grievers don't simply "get over" such a life-altering experience as one might get over an illness. Grief is a necessary, ongoing journey that fluctuates over time. Grief has no closure.
What Grievers Can Do
- Integrate Loss Into Life -- Grievers must live with loss, but they do have the choice to reengage with life. The way to begin this lies in the understanding that loss is an inevitable part of life and that their loved one is always with them in their heart.
Grief is a universal human experience that all of us will encounter eventually. Understanding what we can and cannot expect will help ease the process as it unfolds. Loss may change life as we know it, but the unknown is full of possibility.
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