San Francisco

Guerilla Grafters Secretly Splicing San Francisco Trees With Fruit-Bearing Branches

San Francisco has seen its share of good-hearted vandals. (Remember the Bush Street-Obama Street switcheroo?) But when it comes to feel-good shenanigans, new city menace Guerilla Grafters takes the cake.

For the past year, the renegade group has been secretly splicing San Francisco's strictly decorative apple and pear trees with fruit-bearing grafts, causing the city's previously barren trees to become heavy with fresh apples and pears. The group aims to use the city's preexisting trees to provide "delicious, nutritious fruit for urban residents," and basically feed anyone who is hungry in the process.

"We are so fortunate," exclaimed a grafter to the Examiner about one Hayes Valley graft. "It formed two little pears!"

The motto on the Guerrialla Grafter website is even "care, share, dare" -- which is surprisingly reminiscent of the Care Bear Stare.

Not surprisingly, the City is none too happy about the development. The city officials at the Public Works Department told the Examiner that the trees are city property and are "not for grafting."

"The City considers vandalism a serious offense," said Public Works Director Mohammed Nuru to the Examiner. "There would be fines for damage to city property." Nuru reminded the Examiner that anyone interested in urban agriculture could contact the City to discuss ideas.

Meanwhile, Nuru and the rest of the Department will surely be scanning the streets with binocs, screeching, "I'll get you, my pretties!"

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