We don't know for sure if we're alone on this planet or if the universe is actually just a hologram, but we do know why this kid had sex with a ham and cheese Hot Pocket.
Thanks to First We Feast, we're now blissfully aware of what made this 18 year old, who goes by the codename VERSACEPOCKETS, decide to fornicate with one of America's favorite savory pastries, post evidence on Vine and become Internet famous.
"I just thought it was so f----n’ funny," he said. He also hinted that he did it to gain Twitter followers, but that plan didn't exactly pan out because, as Jezebel points out, he's now banned from Twitter, Vine and blocked by @hotpockets.
VERSACEPOCKETS also said those looking to follow in his flakey-crusted footsteps should wrap it up.
"I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot," he said. "I put it in the fridge for a little bit and I was like, 'Dude, I’m gonna have to use a condom if I’m gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.'"