Gwyneth Paltrow Wants You To Buy The Most Outrageous Items For Valentine's Day

Because your pelvic floor clearly needs more attention.

Goop recently published four Valentine’s Day gift guides and the items are as outrageous as ever.

The Gwyneth Paltrow-helmed site, which has recommended a $15k, 24-karat gold dildo and continues to support buying egg-shaped jade stones for your vagina, is either totally trolling us or is just totally out of touch.

Check out some of the craziest items they recommend for guys, girls, couples, and “solo yolo” fun below:

Elvie, $199

2. Packets of this sex dust.

Moon Juice, $20

3. A Prada flashlight for a sexy game of hide-and-seek.

Prada, $260

4. Fur oil for your nether regions.

Fur, $39

5. A bag of crystals from Goop’s own shaman.

Goop, $85

6. This $507 necklace of ruby-encrusted boobs.

Anissa Kermiche, $507

7. Pine pollen to promote“sexual energy.”

Sun Potion, $55

8. An incredibly expensive Danielle Steel “Dating Game” clutch.

Olympia Le-Tan, $1,890

Goop Label September 2016 Edition