Haim is the cure for everything. Don’t think so? You’re wrong. You’re so wrong.
Don’t know Haim?
You ignorant slut.
Haim is a powerhouse trifecta indie/pop fusion band, consisting of three REAL life sisters, Este, Danielle, and Alana. They all have long, silky hair, and are a little “fuck you,” but not in the annoying Avril Lavigne way (no offense to the Sk8er Boi). Their closets look like Buffalo Exchange and Prada blended their styles into a grungy, yet apropos vegan smoothie. A smoothie you WISH you could drink, but you well know that $18 is far too much to pretend you’re healthy. They all have low, deep feminine laughs that can welcome you comfortably into a room of Trump supporters. Aka, they were that girl in high school who you were DEEPLY fascinated by, but feared approaching because you’re basic as hell, and now you’re regretting it because they’re famous, and you completely missed out on the opportunity to be OG friends and be like “omg when Este was 16 she put a grape in her nose, and I had to give her the Heimlich to get it out.”
And now, I am 1000% convinced that they are the secret, cure-all, miracle elixir that Senior Pirelli tried to sell us on Fleet Street. But this time, the elixir is not piss. It’s gorgeous waves of dreamy soundscapes that bring us to those times where we daydreamed about telling Brad to buzz-off because we were moving to Milan to be the model/actress we all know we are deep down. Or telling Brad to suck a fat one because we just couldn’t deal with his needy bullshit anymore. Or frantically calling Brad whilst sobbing because we made a mistake and know that he’s the one.
But Haim doesn’t just help us deal with Brad. They cure so much more.
Sad because you permanently stained your white jeans? Listen to “Days Are Gone”
Pissed because your mom threw out your original VHS tape of Rugarts Go to Paris? Pop on “Don’t Save Me”
Don’t know what to say to Stacy who works at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf when you can’t afford that $5 Pomegranate Blueberry latte anymore? Give her a link to “The Wire”
They are literally perfect for anything. And you know what’s #perfect? They aren't those type of band member d-bags who give you the vibe of “I can’t hang with you because I have to go hang with this line of coke” kind of vibe. They give you the vibe of “hey, we just slayed performing on SNL, let’s ditch the after-party and get some dank Brooklyn pizza.” And you’re like hell ya queen, I guess Aidy Bryant can wait just this once.
I listen to Haim at my lowest of lows when I’m a sad dog caught in the rain. I listen to Haim when I stomp downtown in my chunky heels and take down the patriarchy. I watch Haim videos to remind myself that I’m not crazy because Este makes the weirdest fucking performance faces of all time. I watch live recordings to see deep into Danielle’s heart and understand that music is truly the food of love, and we’re all just a bunch of lost children wearing mustard-colored Grateful Dead T-shirts. And I sympathize with Alana because she’s young, but scrappy and fierce and will cut a bitch who thinks they know shit about the San Fernando Valley.
Most of all, Haim really does just make it about the music. I know that’s the most quoted line among stoners circa 1978, but it’s true. Haim never engages in scandals, and they never let outside antics get in the way of their creativity. They just wanna play for you goddammit!
I daydream about the moment I become the 4th Haim sister (sorry to my real-life sisters). We would wake up, eat a bowl of granola with almond milk and discuss music antics from the previous night, where we probably told a member of One Direction we weren’t interested. We would spend the day sharing collaboration ideas, oscillating between various instruments because we’re all that versatile. We would drive to our night show in a chic, yet reasonable Volvo station wagon, because, like, it’s the most sensible with all the instruments. Our night would end with us undoing each other’s braids, stating how the beach wave-look really suits our genes.
Thank you Haim for always giving me a reason to say:
THIS IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF OUR LIVES! SUMMER 2017 FOREVER!