Camping: Rapture Occured, but No One Worth Saving

According to preacher Harold Camping, yesterday the Rapture occurred. During the Rapture, all good Christians ascended to Heaven to be with God while the wicked were damned to remain on Earth to experience the end of the world in October.

"This is absolute proof that I am correct," said Camping. "The rapture definitely took place, but there just wasn't a soul worth saving so it went unnoticed. The world will still end in October, as planned."

When asked why he, as a good Christian, hadn't ascended at 6PM California time, Mr. Camping offered little explanation, simply saying, "Why I am still here is irrelevant; all I can do now is take the 80 million dollar surplus my organization has collected from religious donors to the Cayman Islands where I intend to work tirelessly spreading the word of God before the End of Days in October."

Despite numerous prayers placed to His office, God has yet to respond with any comment on the Rapture.

Like this article? Become a Fan here on Huffpost or follow me on Twitter!

If you have a topic based off news that's occurred in the last 5 days and want to see it satirized, tweet it @CapitolKidDC!