Ohio State lineman Harry Miller said he was “medically retiring” from football in a gut-wrenching essay posted Thursday on Twitter. The engineering major wrote of his persistent suicidal thoughts and his harrowing journey getting help.
Miller, a 6-foot 4, 315-pound junior who started seven games at left guard for the Buckeyes in the 2020 season, wrote that he told head coach Ryan Day before the 2021 season that he wanted to kill himself.
Day arranged help and Miller said he tried football again, concealing cutting scars on his wrist with tape. The scars on his neck, he wrote, didn’t appear noticeable to fans.
“There was a dead man on the television set, but nobody knew it,” he wrote.
Miller, from Buford, Georgia, said he revealed his mental health problems because, as a 4.0 engineering student, he wasn’t just a “dumb college kid” whose struggles might be dismissed.
“So maybe if somebody’s hurt can be taken seriously for once, it can be mine,” he wrote.
Miller wrote that he’s now “okay” and urged other athletic programs to heed the cries of athletes in crisis. He thanked Day and Ohio State for providing the support he desperately needed.
“If not for him and the staff my words would not be a reflection,” he wrote. “They would be evidence in a post-mortem.”
If you or someone you know needs help, call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can also text HOME to 741-741 for free, 24-hour support from the Crisis Text Line. Outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of resources.