Do you talk a lot about logistics?
Logistical conversations are all about handling the details of living in the world. They center around time and money. And they are the same sort of conversations that are the hallmark of working out the details of a business.
If you talk regularly about things like:
Your budget, how Johnny is going to get to soccer practice, where you are going on vacation and for how long, that new car or house you want to buy or whether or not you will have time for sex tonight then you are holding a lot of business conversations.
In business you get paid to have such conversations and meetings about logistics. In romantic relationships such conversations are a waste of valuable time you could be touched deeply by each other. Many couples, after a few years, enter into a purely business relationship, without even noticing.
To escape from the logistical nightmare that steals the heart from romantic relating take mini vacations. The sort of vacation I am talking about can be five minutes together with nothing to do. An evening walk, holding hands and sharing your dreams, lying in bed before you are tired just for the fun of it.
Romantic relationship blossoms when you aren't doing anything, It can be cultivated just by looking in each others eyes or being less busy. Start carving out time for the two of you, it may not be easy at first, but soon it will be so nourishing you won't want to live without romance.
A foundation of romance offers a firm place to have succinct, economical logistical conversations. Most logistical issues can be solved in a snap, freeing you for more romance, so that rather than having business be the norm romance is.
Do You talk a lot about money?
Business is all about money, how much of it you have, what are you going to do with it and how can you get more.
If you and your partner are focused on money then you have a business relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, just admit it and get on with the business of making money. But before you submerge in the business of money consider if romance is important to you too, but perhaps scary.
Couples often hide a fear of sex, intimacy or love behind a thin veneer of business. This doesn't make for good romance or good business either.
Money is a metaphor for attention. Give each other attention and you won't need to have nearly as many money conversations. Talk instead about intimacy, or sex or how it feels to touch each other. Rub your partners feet before you talk about the budget, the conversation will be warmer, more comfortable and comforting.
Talking about money can become a hiding place and a habit. Talk about money when necessary, but don't dwell on it like business's do.
Do you think about business when you are home?
If so you aren't really home. You are just working from home. Leave your business at work, or, if you work at home then do business in certain locations in your home.
Certainly business should take up a portion of your life, if you are getting paid for it. But there need to be firm boundaries, one of the places you never discuss business or logistics can be the dinner table, another might be in the bedroom.
When you take off your business socks stop talking about business.
The similarity between business and most relationships isn't accidental, but it is educational. It reveals that you may have lost the love, and be working longer hours and enjoying it less.
Are you just treading water?
You are paid to do business. So it is easy to justify doing things you don't want to do while on the job.
When a romantic relationship turns to business you start doing things you don't really want to do, and you don't get paid either.
A "honey do list" isn't a sexual turn on, nor is trying to get ahead in romance. Romance is a dance of delight in which the pay you receive is pleasure. So, discover what you would do for free to light up your life with another and you will have plenty of romance.
Business prohibits sexual harassment, romantic relationships thrive on it.
One French kiss may lead to a very different Tuesday night than you imagined. And a spring in your step as you head to work Wednesday morning humming a tune.
Is Your life predicable?
The idea in business is to make things as predictable as possible. In romantic relationships, to keep them fresh, you need things to be unpredictable. A random kiss will do that, so will touching if you usually don't or breaking routines. Make your home life spontaneous and dynamic, that way you will be excited to arrive home, and hesitant to head to work in the morning because your romantic relationship is so entertaining.
Are you and your partner equals?
Business is hierarchical.
CEO's make certain sorts of decisions, secretaries make other ones. Your boss at work doesn't have to do what you tell him/her, but you have to follow orders or risk getting fired.
When your relationship becomes a business you usually aren't equal partners, one of you is more of a boss, while the other isn't.
In your home is there a boss and an employee? While this may be hard to admit it is easy to find out. Notice what happens when one of you wants to go out to dinner and the other doesn't. Or, pay close attention to when you want to buy a new couch and your spouse doesn't. Does the couch get purchased?
Imbalances in opinion and decision making indicate that business hierarchy may have snuck into your romantic relationship.
If you find yourself regularly compromising, grumbling under your breath or dissatisfied, chances are you are more employee than equal. If you find yourself complaining about the spending habits of your spouse, how much work you do, or you aren't getting enough sex you are probably more boss than lover.
The first step to unwinding a hierarchy in your romantic relationship is to talk about it openly.
Once you have done that the fun begins. Switch roles, let the boss become the employee, and vice versa.
Share responsibilities, take out the garbage together. One of you washes the dishes while the other dries them, enjoying the togetherness. Any give and take in areas that have been one persons duty will contribute to both equality and freedom.
Changing the dynamic in a relationship, and sparking a romance can be fun.
Do you compromise regularly?
Compromise is a business tool not a romantic one.
Romantic relationships never thrive on compromise. Instead they require full tilt commitment and going for it.
If you can't settle on what you are going to do then go your separate ways, and when you meet again, after dinner or a trip to the gym that only one of you wanted greet each other like the long lost lovers that you are and steal away for a little personal time.
While business pays the bills, romance provides a life worth living. You deserve both.