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Here a Hack, There a Hack, Everywhere a Hack-Hack

I'm in no rush. Really. I'll take the long road, and enjoy it in every bit of its hack-free, beautiful glory.
03/11/2016 11:50am ET | Updated March 12, 2017
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Have you noticed that just about everywhere you turn, there are hacks galore?

No, not the bad, "someone hacked my computer," or "that guy at the gym sounds like he's hacking up a lung," but the jaw-dropping, life-changing, time-saving, "here's the real way to take a bubble bath" hack.

You know the kinds: You've been making sandwiches wrong all along, there's an amazing new method for washing your underwear in half the time, and there are 27 ways to fix your car with Twizzlers (but it has to be the red kind).

There are exercise hacks.

Cooking hacks.

Cleaning hacks.

Here a hack, there a hack, everywhere a hack-hack.

Okay, so I'm not so sure about the Twizzlers hack (it wouldn't surprise me if one did exist, though) but really, am I the only one rolling my eyes whenever the latest hack surfaces?

Leave Me and My Tomato-Slicing Ways Alone

I'm all about saving some time on occasion or learning new ways of doing things. But somehow I don't think a hack involving a tube sock and a cheese grater will cause me to give serious pause to my life, making me ponder how on earth I survived 41 years on this planet by combing my hair with (are you ready for this?) an actual comb.

I think I've done pretty well for myself without knowing how to slice 10 cherry tomatoes in one fell swoop.

I've managed just fine without the knowledge of how to wrap a present in under 10 seconds -- even it it does mean I've rattled off a few choice words and frantically plucked cat hairs from underneath the tape in the process.

And I most certainly can navigate the complexity known as Freeing a Newly-Purchased Hair Flat Iron from the Confines of its Unnecessarily Hard Plastic Shell. All I need are a few adhesive bandages afterwards and I'm good to go.

See?

I'm still here.

Still alive and kicking.

I'm that person who still turns the faucet on in a somewhat odd manner -- by walking over to it, then using my fingers to turn the handle until water appears.

I'm the Anti Hacker who still scrapes ice from the car the old-fashioned way: with an actual ice-scraper and white knuckles and dreams of hot cocoa.

Take Time to Smell the Roses

Call me crazy, but I enjoy the process, even when it can be a challenge.

There's humor upon discovering cat hair on tape and a kind of diving-into-life satisfaction that occurs when chunks of garlic become snagged under my fingernail while peeling a clove. I don't mind getting dirt on my hands while gardening and I'm perfectly fine reading a book over the course of a few days rather than skimming it over in 20 life-changing, mind-blowing minutes.

I'm in no rush. Really.

I'll take the long road, and enjoy it in every bit of its hack-free, beautiful glory.