I never thought I'd live to see the day of the female orgasm backlash. But here we are and since it's National Orgasm Day, I feel compelled to lash right back.
Nicki Minaj says, "I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that." I'm with Minaj. To hell with all of these, "I don't want to come off as greedy or needy or slutty." If you're engaging in sex, it should be as much about your pleasure as your partner's. Period.
And now people will ask, "But what about the women who can't orgasm?" Yes, of course, sex should be pleasure-oriented. Not goal-oriented. You can have great sex that doesn't end in orgasm. But on the whole, in general, having sex is about getting off, and if your partner is getting off, there is no reason why you shouldn't be getting off too.
I can't think of one reason to not to publicize and promote every woman's right to orgasm. Enough with the PC crap. Too many women don't come because they don't know their bodies and/or their partners are doing it wrong. It's time to say it. No more being Puritanical or protecting egos. I'm over it. She has a clit and it's about 2 inches from where you think it is. Find it. Stimulate it. And she'll tell you when she's done.
For those women who truly cannot come -- and I mean no stone left unturned, no vibrator unvibrated, no trick untried -- sexual satisfaction can be measured by pleasure. If she is truly enjoying what is being done to her body, and not oooing and ahhhing strictly for her male partner's arousal, and the couple has discussed this and it works for both partners, then great. Sex is about the parties involved -- no one else. But it should be a party for both parties. Otherwise, it's a mercy f**k. She's "letting" him "do" her and no self-respecting man or woman truly wants that. Ever.
Every woman should be advocating for her own pleasure and orgasms. No one can "make" a woman come. Every individual is responsible for his or her own orgasm. In that pursuit, it's time to call bullshit on something else: There is no foreplay. All of sex is play and all of it is the main event. Penetration is the male equivalent of heaven. It's the female version of the waiting room. It's nice and all. But more than likely, it's not going to get the job done.
I am all about taking personal responsibility for every corner of your life -- and that goes double for sexuality. Women's bodies are built to have endless numbers of orgasms. I am forever preaching the "no one can MAKE you come," "you don't GIVE a woman an orgasm," "someone else can help facilitate your orgasm, but ultimately it's yours to have" school of thought.
But I'm also getting fed up with all the -- "Why women can't come" stories that just make women feel even worse, as if they are at fault or to blame for a lack of orgasm. So, I also want to be very clear here. Unless we're talking about masturbation, if you're a woman having sex with a partner and you're not having kick ass orgasms, once it's clear you're doing your part, it's time to clarify that your partner is doing his or hers, otherwise, why bother?
What's your part?
Be present. When you're having sex, have sex. Forget about the laundry and start thinking about how incredibly hot this moment is.
Make peace with your body. Your body is ready and waiting to make you feel amazing. But you have to start by feeling amazing about it. None of us look like Karlie Kloss... not even Karlie Kloss.
Turn off the clock. You don't take too long to come. You take as long as you take. And thinking about how long you take, makes you take even longer. So f**k the clock.
Own your pleasure. You're not a slut for wanting to come. You're not greedy for wanting to come as much as possible. You're a human. Human's seek pleasure. Soak it in, as much as you can get.
What's his part?
Know that intercourse is one sex act not THE sex act.
Know where the clit is and what to do with it.
Orgasms are so good for you. They help you sleep. They make you happy. They bring you closer to your partner. They alleviate pain. We don't need anyone or anyone else to have them. They are the universe's most perfect gift. Masturbate. Learn what you like. Talk to your partner. Don't worry about making him or her "feel bad."
Tell your partner what works and what doesn't, what you want and what you don't. This is about you as much as it is about your partner. And you're not broken, at all. Women are not built to come from having a penis put inside them. They are built to make babies from having a penis put inside them. So enough with the procreative sex for recreation. It's not about making babies. It's about making orgasms. So tend to the clit. The clit is where it's at.
Orgasm equality between the sexes is a feminist issue because it's like all feminist issues -- it's about women catching up to men in order to gain equality. For most hetero couples, sex ends when the man comes. That's crazy. Just crazy. Why would any women sign up for that? Women are not vessels for male pleasure. They are not masturbation sleeves. Either both partners come or ain't nobody coming as far as I'm concerned.
You don't need a pill. You deserve to be having orgasms. It's really as simple as that.
No O. No go.
Also On HuffPost: