Stop making yourself wrong she said.
You know, make your bed, don't make your bed. Whatever. But, don't make yourself wrong about it.
She had me thinking. Are we a generation of feeling guilty? Do we wobble in our thoughts towards making choices, any choice? Do we even know how to make choices with power anymore?
Are We a Generation Stuck?
Maybe it's because the choices we are called to make are heavy? Or, is it because we are so exposed? Every choice scrutinized, with a tech tuned world we put our choices out there. To be tested. Perhaps, it's something else. Perhaps it's the the lack of confidence we have developed over time.
“The truth is we're all a beautiful hot mess, and that's okay.” - Cindy Weber
Recently I was on a call with personal development coach, Cindy Weber.
Cindy has years of training and real life experience in psychology, self help and empowerment. She loves to pass on her knowledge and passion for leading an authentic life.
Having created, lead, facilitated and attended hundreds of empowerment seminars, inspiration sessions and mentoring groups. Cindy is living a life devoted to making a difference and being an example. Cindy’s one true path is to live life fully self-expressed, while continually inviting people to shed what no longer serves them and step into their true great selves.
Cindy went on to explain that we take evidence we create daily and put it into either two categories. Power or Disempower. That’s our choice.
As we talked, we explored getting over ourselves, and what that really takes.
Cindy powerfully shares her experience and boldly reminds us not to take away from our own power, we need to stop making ourselves wrong for everything.
We can powerfully choose. We don't have to dumb it down to A and B choices. Rather we have the whole alphabet of choices (I pictured Alphabet Soup, gobbling up unlimited choice, or the array of letters bobbing around playfully). Not only do we have this vast scenario of write your own story possibility, but Cindy reminds us that we have the power to choose again. If something isn't working, powerfully make a change.
The choices we make are so incredibly hard, and can be life altering in impactful ways. Yet, choice is as simple as it comes when done from a place of power.
Choice is Privilege
It's my experience as a woman we are faced with many decisions that feel so final. This is why choice can feel like a burden, when in reality it's a privilege. I mean lets talk about that elephant in the room. Choice is privilege.
It's a privilege to be sidetracked with the guilt of choice when for millions of women around the globe, this is not the reality.
Women's economic and social rights are held back because they are forced to fit in a mans world. - Progress of the World’s Women 2015-2016: Transforming Economies, Realizing Rights UN Women UNWomen.org
This is a world yet to imagine economies built with women's rights and issues at their heart. Perhaps in a society with focus on decent jobs, recognizing and supporting unpaid care work, social protection with affordable and accessible social services, then the privilege of the burden of choice can be accessible to all.
Is it possible then, if we are feeling this struggle of choice, to consider it also a privilege?
The fact that we feel guilt for:
Having children, not having children, going to school, not going to school, having a relationship, not having a relationship, working towards goals, not working towards goals, taking the job, not taking the job, marching, not marching, eating, not eating, you get it... making your bed, not making your bed. Down to the most simplistic things in our day to day.
Can we see the beauty in each choice?
If you're reading this it's likely you have the privilege of choice. It’s possible that you've beat yourself up for those choices. It's probable, that like me, you need to get over it so other women can do the same.
I don't assume anything. I understand there are some contracts in life where we don't have choice. My intent is not to diminish your life experience. Regardless of how similar or different it is to mine. I believe we could all lay out a number of things from our experiences as humans that didn't feel like we had the privilege of choice.
“If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.” ― Maya Angelou
However, we have something in common when it comes down to it. We have the choice to decide how we react to any situation. For me, when I feel like things are happening to me, out of my control, I flip it. Things are happening, but they aren't happening to me or at me. It's how I process and react to these things that matters. Don't get me wrong. When things happen, the time it takes for me to react in that beauty of choice differs. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes days, even months. For some things, I'm not quite there yet.
“You may believe that you are responsible for what you do, but not for what you think. The truth is that you are responsible for what you think, because it is only at this level that you can exercise choice. What you do comes from what you think.” ― Marianne Williamson
I’m grateful for the heart to heart chat Cindy and I had for my “Gratitude and Fortitude Interviews”. We connected on topics of making powerful choices, being parents, being female entreprenuers, my virtual calendar of perfectness, and new beginnings this Fall.