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High-Class Prostitution is No Laughing Matter

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...But why, then, is it so funny?

I feel it my patriotic duty to weigh in on the Spitzer scandal, since after all I am both an American citizen and a native of New York State... unlike my husband, a resident ALIEN, who said last night that he didn't like Barack Obama. Naturally I retorted, "Well, it's a good thing you can't vote, then." Europeans! They think they're so advanced with their third-party systems and their healthcare. Ha!

But back to Spitzer, or Shitzer, as some of his detractors have called him. For my part, I'm calling him a Shih Tzu... because he's a dog! He's a dog of a man for cheating on his wife! Shame on you, Eliot Shih Tzu! Arf!

Actually, I shouldn't call him a Shih Tzu, because that's not fair to puppies. After all, when a dog licks you in the crotch, he doesn't know any better.

Some friends and I were discussing the scandal last night, and Heidi - the lawyer, wouldn't you know - suggested he was a fool for wiring that amount of money. My friend Nichelle suggested that he perhaps should have instead used Pay Pal.

I added, "Yeah, he could have Pay Pal'd his Play Pal." Ba-dump-bump!

But seriously folks...

I wonder if this means Hillary Clinton will have to give back Spitzer's campaign contribution? (He is a noted ally of hers.) Then again, she doesn't seem to mind it when men cheat on their spouses. (Ahem.) Actually, this could give her another great reason to cry.

The best part about this whole thing is the laughable hypocrisy, of course. Guy goes after every bad guy in the book, turns out he's a bad guy, too! What is this, Dexter? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with a political leader stealing plotlines from a show about a serial killer. Politics - it's murder!

What I'm most excited about in this whole scandal is the term of soon-to-be Governor David Paterson, who is both black and blind. (I can just hear my father jumping in with, "Hey, that's better than black and blue!")

This NPRticle about Paterson's appeal to both parties includes a particularly (and I can only pray unintentionally) funny photo caption that reads:

New York Lt. Gov. David Paterson once said Gov. Eliot Spitzer "touches that part of me that wants to take chances and wants to make things happen and make them happen quickly."

Apparently Spitzer touches a lot of people in that place. It's just that some of those places can push out babies.

Thank you! If you liked me, I'm comedian No. 9! If not, I'm John McCain. Remember, tip your wait staff - but don't use a wire service! Goodnight!