Hilt-Owned -- Paris Responds to McCain's Ad

Love her or hate her, you've gotta hand it to Paris Hilton...

She just made John McCain her bitch.

In less than two minutes, she accomplished not one -- but FIVE things McCain himself has been unable to do in two years of campaigning:

1) Come off as intelligent and self-effacing.

2) Present a well-reasoned energy policy.

3) Generate excitement on the internet.

4) Win over a new block of supporters.

5) Say the word "Hilton" without the preface "Hanoi."

Yeah, I know -- it's just a funny little video. But no matter what the flacks say, I promise you they aren't laughing over at Camp McCain. Because as you read this, that funny little video is spreading faster than a case of Cancun herpes...and it's only Tuesday.

Team McCain can expect to be thrown off message (assuming they have one beyond "Yay, motorcycles! Yay, race cars!") tomorrow as the MSM picks this up and plays it to death. They know their candidate will be asked to respond, and that he has no choice but pretend he finds the whole thing amusing, or paraphrase Tucker Bound's envious, childish response: "Paris Hilton might not be as big a celebrity as Barack Obama, but she obviously has a better energy plan."

Either way, he looks ridiculous, because he's engaging in a dialogue with...Paris Hilton. Expect the "celebrity" backlash to continue all week (the last before we tune out and watch the Olympics).

Who knows? Maybe the media will also remember that for all his "celebrity" talk, John McCain's the guy who made cameos in movies like Wedding Crashers and TV shows like 24 -- and whose daughter, Meghan, is like, totally bff's with Heidi Montag from The Hills. (But let's face it...they probably won't).

Here's to you, Paris. You may be famous, but unlike some people -- you aren't ashamed to admit it.

And that's hot.

Seth Grahame-Smith is the author of Pardon My President: Ready-to-Mail Apologies for 8 Years of George W. Bush.