“During this holiday season, I hope you will join me in helping those less fortunate, spread love to those in need, show compassion to those that think differently than you and most of all, live every moment like it is your last. Hold your loved ones tight this holiday season and continue fighting the good fight.”
Going home for the holidays is heartwarming, and one of my favorite things in life, but always reminds me how little people around the world know about the Southern United States, the culture, traditions and the kindness of its people. It reminds me, regardless of what the world may think of the United States right now through our political system, that most people are good and that the South represents a culture and way of life easily misunderstood by many who have never visited.I was born and raised in Northeast Louisiana, educated in Louisiana public schools through graduate school, and most of my family still lives in Louisiana. However, I have lived in San Francisco for the last ten years and have traveled the world extensively. I am often frustrated and annoyed and at the same time re energized and excited when I leave on a plane back to San Francisco (usually in tears from leaving my family). I would like to welcome you to the people and culture of Louisiana, the Southern United States and to good food, culture and music like nowhere else in the world I have been.
I recently listened to a country and western song with my dad, titled “Most People Are Good,” by Luke Bryan, and was touched by the words of a southern man (raised in Georgia):
I believe most people are good. And most mama's oughta qualify for sainthood. I believe most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights. I believe you love who you love. Ain't nothing you should ever be ashamed of. I believe this world ain't half as bad as it looks. I believe most people are good. - “Most People Are Good,” by Luke Bryan
As a gay man growing up in Louisiana and maintaining strong roots there, I have always been so impressed by the openness and loving nature of the people I grew up around. My loving and supportive family, friends and acquaintances have always embraced me with kindness and openness, both with themselves and their families and children. Do not get me wrong, I have seen my fair share of homophobia, racism, and many other forms of hatred in the South, but I’ve also seen it in San Francisco, New York, Paris, London and many other “progressive” communities around the world. But mostly I see a large expression of love and compassion.
The words of Harvey Milk, former County Supervisor in San Francisco who was assassinated in 1978, have stuck with me for many years now and I firmly believe it to be true. (Giteck, Lenny (November 28, 1978). "Milk Knew He Would Be Assassinated", The San Francisco Examiner, p. 2.)
I cannot prevent anyone from getting angry, or mad, or frustrated. I can only hope that they'll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects ... I hope that every professional gay will say 'enough', come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help. - Harvey Milk
I firmly believe that knowing someone humanizes a belief, an idea, or sense of being, whether people agree with it or not. I am a good person and the people I care what they think know that I am a good person, whether I am gay or not. People who care to open their minds and understand that there is an entire world outside of their immediate surroundings typically are the people I have cared about for long periods of time. Those who do not, I believe in showing compassion, love and providing positive experiences to through example.
I started this article with the idea of Christmas in the South, and quickly found myself transitioning to a piece on love and acceptance which is fitting for the holiday season. I would be crazy(ier) if I did not tell you more about our holiday season in Louisiana, and about our spreading of love. You may have noticed the title of this article, A “Christmas Fais Do-Do,” which in French, is basically a cajun dance party dating back to pre WWII. Our history and our culture in Louisiana run deep, like the bayou. Anywhere in the world that one goes he or she will hear about the fun, exciting, full of life culture that lives in Louisiana. My family holidays are about the same.
We eat. We drink. We dance. We fight. We love. We care. We embrace. Life is full of many experiences if we allow them to unfold. I’ve learned to let this live in real time in my life. I do not want to miss anything, the good, the bad, the ugly, well...hopefully not the ugly. My point is that you can find kindness wherever you are and that people at their core want to be loving and accepting.
A few years I brought a boyfriend home for Christmas with my family. It was one of the most eye-opening experiences I have ever had in terms of kindness and realness. We dated a few years and later broke up in which I went home the next Christmas (it’s my mother’s only mandatory holiday) and I was shocked by the response of my great aunt. I had not overly publicized the break up, but it did not matter. The second I walked in the room my great aunt (70+ in age) said (edited version), “I’ve noticed you are no longer with your boyfriend. He doesn’t know what he lost. If he doesn’t realize your value then he is not worth your time.” Right then in that moment I knew that the things that people say about southern people was ridiculous and that most of my friends had never really visited the real south. They actually didn’t know a lot of real southern people.
My family laughs, eats, dances. They give wet kisses on the mouth and they pat you on the back with hugs that will make your skin neon red and welt. My pawpaw likes to yell about politics, my mom likes to shelter me, my sister is like a sister from a story book and my dad always asks me what day I’m going home. My friends are loud, but compassionate; they drink a lot; and they’ve gone down in many a fight to protect me and my family. At the end of the day what I have realized is that I have never been loved quite like I have been loved by people from the south. At Christmas we have about nine Christmas events amongst our friends and family. Everybody cooks too much, eats too much, and talks about everybody else too much. We laugh until our bellies hurt. We hug until we can’t squeeze any harder and we all cry when we leave each other.
My mamaw cooks the best food I have ever eaten. People in the south are fat for a reason. You ain’t ever eaten food like yo mamaw’s food nor have you ever been chased around the yard with a “switch” and noticed how fast an old lady can run besides yo mamaw. I’ve never seen more stoic people in my life. We are proud. We take care of each other when it really matters. Southern women are some of the most special people in the world. My mom is one of them: kind, sincere, brutally honest; one of the most real people I know, and absolutely gorgeous in the process. I’ve never met someone who has made me feel as safe and protected as a southern woman.
Like most families during the holidays, my family often talks about controversial topics like politics. There are always one or two who make ignorant comments in support of hateful leaders or comment ignorantly about religions they don’t even understand, but what I notice more and more is that most of my family and friends actually speak up for what is right and they do it out of love and compassion. They are changing the way others in our family have historically gotten away with ignorant comments and I truly believe that the kindness of the majority as a trickle effect. See at the end of the day one cannot argue with kindness and love.
Ultimately what I want the world to know about Louisiana and the people of the South is that we get it. We understand there is a world outside of Louisiana. We’ve been through hard times. We have been through the simple times in life. We believe in happiness and living your life in the present. I have never met a prouder person than a friend or family member from Louisiana bragging on another friend or family member from Louisiana. We welcome everyone and we love everyone. It may take us a second, not because we are slow, but because we understand that there are a lot of dynamics in life in general and the all people come from different backgrounds and beliefs. It’s not that we are judging, it’s that we are just taking it all in and observing how people treat others around them.
During this holiday season, I hope you will join me in helping those less fortunate, spread love to those in need, show compassion to those that think differently than you and most of all, live every moment like it is your last. Hold your loved ones tight this holiday season and continue fighting the good fight.