Holy Sh*t -- Birthdays Are Overwhelming

Are not birthdays bittersweet?

Some people HATE the idea of aging as it stands as a reminder of their mortality.

Ever hear a twenty-two year old girl mumble oh-my-god I'm getting so old.

Juxtapose that to an 80-year-old whose testicles dip into the water when they sit on a toilet. Things start to go downhill fast physically in your Eighties.

Sometimes birthdays lead to existential dilemmas. What am I doing with my life? Am I happy? Why do I feel so alone? What does that mean? Wait, who am I??


Shit. That's Jean-Paul Sartre heavy, right? Who needs that?

It's negative. Don't be negative, right?

Birthdays are a celebration of YOU. The day you were born. You get cake. You make wishes. People sing to you. They give you things. All of the attention. It's flattering.

It's nice.

But birthdays are stressful and overwhelming. Especially in the digital age.

Well-wishes come at you eight different ways: Facebook, text messages, E-mails, Twitter, LinkedIn, STICKERS and GIFS and MEMES up the butt--


All the time. Holy crap!! What about the freaking telephone, like old-school, it's nice to hear someone's voice, right, even though it takes thirty minutes of your time, or how about a card in the mail, like super, duper old-school from grandma?

Will it become hipster to send cards in the mail?? Yes. It will.


Thing is it's really sweet and respectable and desirable to respond to people individually. And because you care about people, and if you're humble and empathize, you want to know how everyone is doing because you haven't heard or seen from them in forever. You miss these people. Yet it is too isolating with social media.

In reality YOU'RE sitting ALONE drowning in digital love and thanks and threads and conversations! It is lonely and sad. But what's the alternative in 2016?

Are you supposed to not respond? That's kind of dick-ish.

Or just post a general "Thanks for the Love" type of thing across numerous platforms.

There's something weird there, no?


For adults, birthdays aren't so simple in the digital age.

Too many beeps and dings and bzzzzes and rings.

Not enough cake or hugs or handshakes and kisses.

Here's some final ironies.

Have birthdays outdated themselves?

Are birthdays and weddings more stressful and overwhelming than funerals?

Maybe birthdays are like Halloween and Christmas, maybe like most things, they're simply better when you're a kid.