Divorce

9 Honest Thoughts Women Have When Their Ex-Husbands Remarry

There's no "right" way to respond.
08/04/2016 01:17pm ET
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The news always comes as a surprise.

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been divorced: When you get wind that your ex is remarrying, you feel a bit taken aback.

Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers share the first thought they had when they heard their exes were getting married again.

1. “How are my kids going to feel about this?

“What about the kids? That was my initial thought. I wanted to understand how this new dynamic would work and how we all could adjust and still be OK.” ― Tiffany B.

2. “This hurts.”

“I heard the news just days before I was scheduled to shoot a panel discussion about moving on after divorce for a website. At the taping, I felt like a fraud sweating it out on the couch. Inside, I felt wounded and rejected all over again. But on the outside I spoke confidently about healing after the heartbreak of divorce. What did I learn from that experience? It’s better to be vulnerable and speak my truth. I know I’m not the only one who thought she had her act together only to feel some tenderness even years later. The pain subsides but the feeling of loss doesn’t seem to have an expiration date.” ― Patty H.

3. “Should I be further along in my own relationship?”

“When I heard that my ex was getting remarried, it made me question the pace of my current relationship. Ultimately, I felt relieved; I rushed into a marriage once and I won’t do that again. Then I had a big glass of wine.” ― Cindy W.

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Your ex's engagement might cause you to reevaluate your own relationship. 

4. “Wow, his poor fiancé.”

“I hope she isn’t as strong-headed as I am because they’re going to have a lot of problems if so. I felt bad for her, then I thought, maybe she’s better fit to deal with him than I am.” ― Lindsey E.

5. “What kind of stepmom will she be?”

“My kids will have a stepmonster now! But what if they think she’s nicer than me (she probably will be, right)?!” ― Cherie M.

6. “Wow. He found a younger version of me!”

“I noticed he’d married me again: 22-year-old me, not the 30-year-old me who wanted kids and an apartment with an actual bedroom.” ― Deborah G.

7. “Who cares?”

“My ex got married without my knowing. When I found out, I was surprised to feel as little emotion as I did. Looking back, that probably had a lot to do with me having taken affirmative steps toward building a new life for myself independent of him, one filled with friends and a new career, before and during his engagement. By the time he got married, I didn’t have the time or inclination to care how my ex was living his life because I was too busy living my own.” ― Stacey F.

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When you've moved on yourself, you don't sweat it when your ex remarries. 

8. “Will they have kids of their own?”

“When I heard my ex was getting remarried my first thought was to check out their registry so I could see what kind of dishes the new wife liked (Crate and Barrel plain white. Yawn). After I got done with that, it hit me: He was remarrying. That could mean children! The thought that there could be a child out there with the same DNA as my four kids was a kick in the gut. I imagined walking into the grocery store and seeing a child who looks like my son, darker eyes, lighter hair, but yes, the resemblance is striking. Would I feel instant love for a child I had no part of but that was tied by blood to my children? Could he really love another child the way he loved ours? It haunted me. No child came from that marriage however I did hear that the Thanksgiving table was actually quite lovely if not a bit bland. (She got the matching napkin rings.)” ― Amy K.

9. “I knew it!”

“I divorced as a result of infidelity, but there was a lot of emotional manipulation and gas-lighting present at the end of the relationship. He was very insistent that I was wrong and that the affair trail I found was all circumstantial. When they married only a few months after our divorce was final, I was weirdly relieved because it was such an open admission to the affair I had suspected. And I know longer had to bury my story and pain. I could be honest about what happened and how he hurt me instead of hiding in shame and doubt.” ― Katie M.

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