Originally appeared on HoneyGood.com.
I am the mother and grandmother of a happily blended family. This took tender loving care and lots of sleepless nights. I must confess, with pride, that I learned by trial and error how to be a step-mother (I do not like the term) and a step-grandmother to my successful blended family. We have adult children, their spouses and 20 grandchildren. We are a large cast of characters and we all love each other very much. This is my story and the set of guidelines I established to earn that love and respect.
My Motto: Tolerance, Attention, Wisdom, Trust And Participation
My Rule: To blend a family successfully is all about the children -- not about us.
Both sets of our children lost a parent. At that time, my now-husband and I had to give our children space and time to grieve. When we got married a few short years after the death of our former spouses, we again needed to give them time and space. This was a very difficult adjustment for all of us. They missed their parent and we dreamed of acceptance. I do not know the ramifications of divorce, but I am sure it is just as difficult, as each parent pulls the children in their direction.
Honey Good's Blended Family Rules
- Tolerance. Adult children will resist a blended family and you must be very aware of this. The entire dynamic of their family is changing. This is a very difficult time in their lives. Their first feeling of stability, in the new family, will come when they see a strong relationship between you and your spouse. You are the head of the family and the bond between the two of you will eventually give them a sense of security. Through your actions, they will feel your desire to blend the family, whatever it takes. And, it will take a lot. Once this is accomplished, the grandchildren slide into place.
We love each other. How lucky is that!?