House GOP: 'Oh Come On, It's Not Like We've Been Acting Ethical Anyways'

(WASHINGTON D.C.)

Following their gutting of the Office of Congressional Ethics, House Republicans received backlash from both liberal and conservative pundits. In response to all this, the House GOP simply replied, "Oh come on, it's not like we've been acting ethical anyways."

"Like, have you guys been following us for the last SEVERAL years?" said Speaker Ryan.

"We've been fucking you guys for years, this literally just means we don't have to wear a condom anymore," chimed in Mitch McConnell.

The ethics committee will no longer be able to take tips from anonymous whistleblowers, be considered an independent agency, investigate tips that came before 2011, talk about their findings, hire a spokesperson, or turn corruption allegations over to the law.

"But like, when have they ever been able to anyways? I don't know, who cares, we have work to do, we're building a Death Star after all," concluded Paul Ryan.

"Oh, right, forgot to mention, we're building a Death Star."

Somehow, being "ethical" has become partisan.