Let’s talk about the car ride with a toddler. Quite possibly the easiest way to lose your mind in approximately five minutes.
To start on a positive note, my toddler Henry loves his car rides in my husband Logan’s big white truck. Also lucky for me, Logan drops Henry off at the sitter most mornings. He has a nice DVD player equipped with multiple DVD’s to keep him entertained as he drives the six miles to the sitters house or the half mile miles to my in-laws. God forbid Henry rides in a car without watching Paw Patrol or Diego.
This perfect DVD player was purchased before our first road trip with Henry from Owensboro, KY to Hilton Head. I saw it on Amazon, clicked order and $30 and two days later it was on my doorstep. I love you Amazon Prime.
The DVD player kept Henry entertained the entire way to Hilton Head and back home since he refuses to sleep in the car. It was almost blissful. We only had one DVD at the time and somehow he never realized he watched the exact same thing TWELVE TIMES!!!
Disclaimer: Before I had kids I said I would never put a DVD player in my car. That time should be spent talking to my child. HAHAHAHAHA!
After I realized what a fabulous purchase the DVD player was, I went right back to Amazon to purchase one for my sensible silver Nissan Altima – the mom car of champions. I hit “Reorder” on the exact DVD player – the one with the little straps that hangs from the back of the passenger seat just out of reach so he cannot destroy it or throw it out the window in a fit of rage.
I tracked the order on Amazon and literally left work in the middle of the day when I saw it had arrived. This could possibly be life changing for me. I could sing in my car again without Henry clenching his fists and yelling “No MAMA!”.
I opened the little box and what the hell appears in front of me but a HANDHELD DVD PLAYER!!! Excuse my language – but how the f&@k am I expected to give my two year old a hand held DVD player? It’s like his hands are mini trampolines, everything that touches them is immediately bouncing back. He throws everything – his toys, his dishes, his stuffed animals, my purse, folded clothes, the stupid trumpet that will soon be returned to my in-laws, he tried to throw the dog but he was too heavy.
I am not about to have a DVD player launched at my head while I am driving the dangerous and crowded streets of Owensboro, Kentucky. This was freaking blasphemy.
I pouted on the couch for a while, realized my boss was probably wondering where the hell I was, hit return on my Amazon Prime App and threw that stupid DVD player in the mail. I honestly don’t know why I haven’t reordered another one. I think it was just such an upsetting built up moment that was completely crushed when the poor guy in the Amazon picking warehouse picked up DVD player 4tjfmdwr6783487 instead of DVD player 4tjfmdwr6783488 because he wanted to go home and play Grand Theft Auto.
Disclaimer #2: I know absolutely nothing about the kind people that work in the Amazon warehouse. That comment was in no way meant to offend anyone. It could have been a woman that wanted to go home and catch up on her DVR’d Project Runway. I owe a lot of forgotten birthday and Christmas presents to these Amazon heroes.
I like to compare the DVD player letdown feeling to a New Years Eve party. They are always built up to be so awesome and fun and exciting, but in the end I always end up getting champagne spilled on me by some super drunk guy that may or may not be my own husband. Hahaha – I LOVE YOU LOGAN!!! One day I will build up the courage to order another DVD player and hope my dreams aren’t once again crushed.
So until that day, I shove my child into his car seat while he arches his back because he knows that he will not be able to catch up on his Paw Patrol. If I had ever wrestled an alligator I would compare it to that. I buckle him in – just the bottom because he has to do the top buckle himself – and close his door while he screams and cries. I normally stand in the garage, take a deep breath, and let out a few choice expletives before I get into the drivers seat.
For more, visit my blog at HashtagMomFail.com!