It's Wednesday morning and I'm running late. I take a rushed sip of my coffee, gather my things and head towards the door. I only stop after noticing I hadn't made my bed yet. I contemplate leaving it. After all, no one was going to see it until I got back home.
So what's the harm?
I was running late but I stood there looking at the messy bed feeling uneasy about the state of my life. That sounds dramatic, so I'll start by saying my life is just fine.
Yet something about that messy bed wouldn't let me leave. I made the bed, the same was I do every morning. I stared at it looking pristine as I was fifteen minutes behind schedule.
After walking out of the door with a smidge of relief thanks to my bed's appearance, I realized I was living life as a serious hypocrite.
I made my bed out of routine and out of some deeper need to make my life look neat and put together. I knew returning from work to a messy bed would open my eyes to the late night anxieties I left on my pillow.
It's not the only thing I'm hypocritical about. I started thinking about all the areas of my life that I was essentially lying to myself.
I write about love often. I write about how badly I want to find it and how I dream about meeting "Mr. Right" on any given day in some adorable circumstance.
I write that, but I don't act like I'm ready to fall in love. I say no to dates with guys who are actually nice because they don't fit "my type." Instead, I accept drinks from guys who probably don't care what my name is.
I write about being single, empowerment, and self-confidence. I shout it from the rooftops and I'd like to think it's pretty convincing. Yet every day I look in the mirror questioning myself.
I get excited for the friends that are getting engaged and getting married but I wallow that I'm not remotely close to following in their footsteps. I showcase the single life like it's the best thing ever but subconsciously... I dread it sometimes.
I talk about loving yourself first but do little to follow my own advice. I'll still skip the gym when I'm feeling off. I'll still order the unhealthy thing on the menu when I promised myself I'd order a salad.
I'll still forget to do my skincare routine at night because I'm home too late or too tired for the extra three steps and reprimand myself for it. I'll promise to take care of myself and wonder why I'm actually not the next day. I lie to myself, "today's the day."
I tell myself I want to write a book and I tell people that that's the end goal. But when I finally have time away from my real job, my side hustle, and life's agenda - I'll turn on Netflix instead of making my dreams come true.
I say I want to travel more. And even though I travel quite a lot, I'll buy that Seamless when I don't feel like cooking, that third $20 cocktail, that outfit I'll only wear once because of Instagram, and that afternoon coffee with minimal caffeine. And there goes another plane ticket.
I made my bed that morning, but it doesn't hide truth between the sheets. I fall asleep making promises to myself that I failed to keep that day. I wake up with a false sense of confidence when I'm really not positive about who I have become.
Frankly, I'm a hypocrite. So now what?
We, the hypocrites, we admit it. We accept it. Then we do something about it. Instead of living in a state of lingering disappointment, you reevaluate your life. What role do you want in this world? What mark on this planet do you want to leave?
Choose your victories and learn from your failures. It's time to align your voice and your actions.
Take a step back and choose who you want to be. Look at yourself, really look at yourself, and start to learn all of your beautiful layers. Trim the edges and add the sparkle - but most importantly: be honest with yourself.
Because just making the bed is not enough.
It's about finding beauty in the chaos or recreating it into an opportunity instead of just trying to cover it up. It's about falling asleep with gratitude for a day well spent and waking up excited for a future you've worked really hard for. It's about chasing dreams when you're awake and not only when you're asleep.
It's about beginning every single day with gratitude and ending it smiling to yourself as you say goodnight to the world because you know today you made it better somehow.
It's about finding peace in not being perfect and learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. It is about loving yourself first, and it's about actually believing it when you say it.
So, here's to made up beds, but not made up lives. It's time to start living authentically, and it's never too late to start.
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