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How and Why We Must Surprise Ourselves

Imagine if you were to see that, see how the blessings of your own effort have allowed you to come alive in unimaginable ways -- and, not because anyone other than you made it happen. Imagine how surprised you might be. Imagine how we would celebrate.
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You know what's so beautiful and taken for granted? We live with ourselves our entire lives and yet at any moment we can surprise ourselves.

We can wake up an hour earlier and order our coffee to stay. Rather than constantly being on the go, we can take our time. We can sit by a window. Observe and reflect. We can jump out of airplanes and look a man in the eye after we've kissed him and we can say, I want this to happen more often, without being afraid.

Instead of waiting to be pursued, we can break out on our own. We can be the one in pursuit of our own life, our own marvelous affair. We can take one tiny, unfamiliar step.

We can idle with our dog on a bench and drink gin under the moon. We can offer a third of our macaroon to a stranger. Chat with someone we know nothing about. We can talk to a person whose profile we haven't surveyed, whose past we haven't already explored and, drinking our coffees side by side, we can stare out on the world and pet the dogs passing by and we can feel like we have known each other forever.

Imagine that. Imagine that feeling, the surprising grace of familiarity that could be discovered right outside our comfort zone. Imagine how a bond with a stranger could come so quickly, could actually be almost effortless. How might that free you? What might the ease of companionship welcome into your life? Consider the chances, the camaraderie, the communion. Let these benefits entice you to look at more people with care, to even reach out with your unique and simple curiosity.

The reality is that even outside our comfort zone, we can feel right at home. We might just not know it yet. And all because we haven't risked enough of our heart, of ourselves, to learn and see how every extraordinary life is wrapped up in effort, simplicity, and ease.

Epiphanies and experiences like these come out of what could have been nothing, though. For instance, we could have taken our coffee to go. We could have continued to lose the opportunities to meet someone special, to simply involve ourselves in our day. One small conversation, though, can keep a person hopeful, centered, can help us move on or bring us alive. It's true. A small conversation is enough to save or, at the very least, support a life. And life is so much fuller if we believe in all the ways we might come alive in it--our spirit, I mean, our character--if we believe that every surprising, refreshing act will conspire against our own mediocrity.

This will be in thanks to the mornings we woke an hour early, the solo lunches that, in the beginning, we had to settle into. Just imagine yourself. Imagine how just beyond our anxious and self-conscious ordering of a meal there is relief. There is our own amazing discovery that when alone we actually have a talent for making friends. This is absolutely possible for us. And this is how we can surprise ourselves.

We can surprise ourselves just from speaking from our gut, from sending a text that has us written all over it. We can surprise ourselves when we reach out with our own words and not the jumbled garble of our friends who have advised us on what to say and what not to say in our message. This is how our sweetness seeps into our days and comes to redefine the very concept we have of ourselves.

Our limitlessness comes from our magic and integrity and initiation. It comes from our mind, our effort. We are more capable than we give ourselves credit for. We are more than we want even to realize. It is from our feet and our hearts that we are led. So, feel it all. Feel your way into being your own mentor, your own guide. If cemented in fear, let your mind create a visual, an energy, of you overcoming something. This will excite you beyond yourself. When in fear, just imagine overcoming something you are too ashamed to admit even to your closest of friends. Because you worry. We all do.

We worry our pain might be trivial in comparison to what lives within the everyday lives of others. We worry about exposing the various hiccups that keep our spirits low. But imagine how it might feel not to worry. How things might go if we let our pain be all about us and our process for once. If we let our grief and recovery, our courage and timeline, be worthy of existing on our terms. What if we decided how we were going to respond; how we were going to answer to life; how we were going to let go of our own pain? Maybe it will surprise us to learn that that decision is already ours. Our story might be so different, so elevated and celebrated and honored, were we to overcome something on our own terms and because of that begin to see ourselves as a hero in our own heart.

If you're seeking empowerment, the fresh air of your brightness spreading out into the world, you don't have to wait for anything or anyone to get you there. Because we can be our own surprise. We can improve our own moments. And our moments are, evidently, our lives. They are the small tweaks and tiny bursts of newness along the way that accumulate over time and have us, before we know it, looking back over our years only to realize our own spectacular difference. A sight that will be shockingly beautiful, and yours.

Imagine if you were to see that, see how the blessings of your own effort have allowed you to come alive in unimaginable ways -- and, not because anyone other than you made it happen. Imagine how surprised you might be. Imagine how we would celebrate.

Chelsea Leigh Trescott is a Breakup Coach. She lives in her happy place aka New York City, loves with ease, feels most alive when in conversation, and will always hold a spotlight to the most compelling features of anyone who graces her life. Her three-and-a-half-year relationship inspired her to breakupward. Now she helps her clients turn their sob stories into silver lining breakups, too. Reach out to her at