What sort of things do people do to find closure after soul-crushing heartbreak? originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.
Answer by Franklin Veaux, sexuality educator, on Quora:
I’m not sure “closure” is a real thing that real people get to have.
Closure is something that happens in movies. The hero begins his journey in the first act, encounters a crisis in the second act, and then in the third act everything is neatly wrapped up, and the hero rides off into the sunset. Real life is a lot messier, and you don’t necessarily ever get to resolve the things that hurt you.
A friend of mine wrote an essay about this a while ago:
I’ve had soul-crushing heartbreak that I will likely carry with me for the rest of my life, and I do not expect ever to get closure. Oh, I’ve thought about it, I’ve fantasized about it, but in reality? It’s never going to happen. I’m not okay with that, but that’s how it is.
So what do you do?
Put one foot in front of the other.
For a long time, and I mean a long time, it will be the first thing you think about every morning when you get out of bed.
And then, one day, you’ll get out of bed, and it will be the second thing you think about it.
And one day, somewhere between morning tea and the drive to work, you’ll see something that distracts you, and for a moment, you’ll smile.
And then, the day will come when the person who broke your heart will be the third thing you think about.
And one day, perhaps after months, maybe after years, an entire day will go by when you’re not reminding yourself of the scar you carry inside at all.
It’ll never vanish completely. There will always be that shadow in that corner of your soul. That’s the price you pay for the privilege of being human. We are all born of frailty and error, and sometimes the mistakes we make hurt others, and sometimes others hurt us, and nobody ever promised it would be any different.
And in time, after you’ve licked your wounds and the crack in your heart has had a chance to scar, you will use the experience you had to be a little bit better, a little bit more compassionate, a little bit more careful when other people place their hearts in your hands.
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