Was he sick?
Was it suicide?
Was it a heart attack?
Overdose?
Did he die instantly?
Who found him?
Did he have a stroke?
Did they try CPR?
Who was he with?
Did they do an autopsy?
Have you read the report?
Where was he?
What is the cause of death?
Is there a history of drugs or alcohol?
Do anything of those things matter? Really? Do they matter?
He is dead. Another family is grieving. They are making plans to bury their son.
I, too, have questions. But I know the answers don't matter. It is not my place to ask those questions. The answers are not for me to know.
What matters is that the parents are hurting. They loved their son. They thought he was wonderful! They loved every bit of him! They had dreams! They loved hearing him play music and laugh! Oh, how they loved his laugh!
Now they are planning a funeral.
I must pray for them. Love them from a distance because they don't know me. But some day, if they want to meet and talk, I am available to listen. And share what I have learned these thirty months of grief and healing and growing in grace.
Until then... I will pray. My prayer today is:
Thank you, Lord, for a sweet dream of my Andrew this morning. As I wake up in tears missing my son, I pray for a momma and dad as they awake to a nightmare of missing their son and planning things no parent wants to plan. Continue to comfort and guide them today and in the days and weeks to come. Make traveling easy for family coming in and help friends and loved ones express love in kind ways. Give everyone Your peace as they grieve for their son.
Father, help them to look to your Son as the author and finisher of their faith. Wrap your loving arms around the whole family. And around our community.
And, Lord, for so many young people hurting over this, having to face the death of another young friend, I pray that they would turn to You. So many questions. So many tears. Help us "older and wiser" folks to speak Your truths in trying to comfort. We need you, Father. Be real and evident to each of us today.
Amen
And if you must ask a question, try asking, "Could you tell me about your son? What was he like?"
Or "May I tell you about one of my favorite memories of your amazing son?"
Love these hurting parents well, my friends. Love them well.
This post is part of Common Grief, a Healthy Living editorial initiative. Grief is an inevitable part of life, but that doesn't make navigating it any easier. The deep sorrow that accompanies the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage or even moving far away from home, is real. But while grief is universal, we all grieve differently. So we started Common Grief to help learn from each other. Let's talk about living with loss. If you have a story you'd like to share, email us at strongertogether@huffingtonpost.com.