A researcher in the 1950s found that the total impact of a message is about seven percent verbal, 38 percent vocal (tone of voice, inflection etc ) and 55 percent nonverbal.
Image via Illusion of Life
Here are some tips I have picked up along the way to read the person you are talking to have found them especially useful running an organization that is distributed and virtual. We conduct most of our discussions through video on Google Hangouts, and reading body language and facial microexpressions are a key means to reading nonverbal signals.
Body Language
When talking to one person
Read expressions and gestures in clusters. The look of critical evaluation when combined with closed body language, crossed arms and legs, indicate that you may need to make a more convincing argument.
Photo credit: Yuri Gripas, Reuters
Palms intentionally used to show open, honest speech
Everyone knows that crossed arms and legs indicate closed body language, but I am always amazed at how many people do that in meetings and even presentations. What I did learn was to stop doing that (because it doesn't help anyone, it just makes the other person more uncomfortable). And when I did, I realized I was more open to ideas.
So, the piece of advice is to first check yourself from closed body language, and then to help others uncross their arms. You can do that by having them reach out for a pen or coffee mug and then create a rapport by
and
, to make them feel more comfortable (and prevent further crossing).
Talking to many people
The bigger the audience, the bigger the gestures need to be.
Use wide expansive, open gestures. Don't cross your legs or arms. That
bars the audience and shuts them off. Stand confidently and welcome the
audience to listen to you. Ben Horowitz does a great job illustrating this at our Technovation keynote a few years ago.
One way to enlarging gestures is to start them from the shoulder. Wrist or elbow gestures are automatically smaller and tend to be limited in their variety, too. In fact, this is the single most common problem that drives people to "repetitive gesturing." If you keep making the same gesture, it rapidly becomes meaningless and ultimately annoying to the audience.
Make sure your gestures are high enough. Low gestures draw the eyes of the audience down and away from your face. They become distractions. If you watch for it, you can sometimes catch people doing a vague imitation of penguins, with their hands flipping about at their waists.
Hands behind your back indicate reserve, some level of discomfort.
A good book is
Photo courtesy of Paul Ekman The six basic emotions are shown below. If you watch closely, you will see various (and fleeting) manifestations in people's faces. They will give you a very accurate window into what your listener is thinking of what you are saying.
Photo courtesy of
Summary
Listen. Observe. Talk less.
"The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you,
But what he cannot reveal to you.
Therefore, if you would understand him,
Listen not to what he says,
But rather to what he does not say"
― Kahlil Gibran
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.