Are you overly critical when you're in a relationship? Do you make too many demands of the other person? If you do, then these tips can help you love your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be. Each relationship you are in is an opportunity for you and your partner to help each other grow and to learn from one another. Here are three ways in which you can improve your existing relationship, or, if you're single, any future relationship in which you might find yourself.
1. Reality Vs Fantasy: Love your partner for who they are, not who you think they could be. It is so easy to want someone who has every amazing quality known to man and not settling until you get it. This fantasy allows you to always find an excuse to not make your current relationship work or to not get into one in the first place.
So maybe you're with someone who doesn't have all the qualities that you were hoping for in a partner and you find yourself criticizing them for it. It is very likely your requirements were unrealistic, more apt for a fantasy figure from a movie than a real person. This is your issue, not theirs. These are your wounds that you need to heal, not theirs. It is very hard for anyone to live up to another person's expectations, and when you have expectations and expect someone else to fulfill them, you are setting yourself up for a fall.
Remember, when you point one finger at someone else, four of them point back at you! You attract who you need to heal, which is often not who you think you need. Do yourself a favor and pinpoint your partner's five most lovable qualities. Give them a break on the less lovable ones! If you're single, then think of the five traits that you think you could absolutely not do without in a future relationship and let the others go.
2. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Do not judge your partner. Let them be themselves and make mistakes without you constantly criticizing their every move, because that will just cause hidden resentment that will build up over time and cause you both to be unhappy. Focus on their positive attributes and what they're amazing at. When you have an intimate moment together, remind them about all their amazing qualities and what you love about them. (You should easily be able to list ten in quick succession.) Their positives, no doubt, outweigh the negatives, otherwise you wouldn't be with them. You will see that by doing this, you will make them feel exceptionally appreciated and remind them of who they are. Also, you will find that the love and appreciation will come back in your direction, in spades.
3. How do you experience love? Maybe your partner does not love you in the way that you want, i.e., they don't hug you at the 'right' time or they don't touch you in the 'right' way. But perhaps they love you in 'their' way. Maybe they take you out for dinner or find it easy to give you compliments. However, if you are someone who is very tactile and experiences being loved by being touched, hugged and having lots of sex, then them taking you out for a meal or telling you how much they love you, may not be enough for you, and, as a result, you might feel that you aren't getting your needs met, as you aren't being touched enough. You might, on the other hand, be in a relationship with someone who is very tactile, but you are someone who experiences being loved when you are given flowers or are taken out for dinner.
My point is, that some people are more visual, some more auditory and some kinesthetic and you need to understand what you're partner's primary sense is and then you can react to it. If they like to be touched, then hug them more. If they are more auditory, then whisper 'sweet nothings' in their ear. By discovering what their needs are, you can respond to them and, in turn, by understanding what yours are, they can respond to yours.
I hope these tips help. Remember, if you want to contact me, please do so at sophie@howhappyis.com