If you want a relationship that works, not just any old one, then you need to get your hands dirty, so to speak, and work on yourself to enhance your ability to attract someone who is really complimentary to you. Here are some suggestions that can help you clear anything that is potentially preventing you from moving forward.
1. What did you learn? Look at your last relationship and what went wrong. What were their complaints about you? As much as you don't like what they were, you need to look at why they had them and, without dismissing it, find out if there was any truth in it. Usually there will be something in their opinion, at least to some extent. That will give you a good indication where you need to make steps to evolve.
2. Dispelling the Unknown. Are you in any way uncomfortable around the opposite sex? Now this can be more prevalent if you didn't grow up with a sibling or parent of the opposite sex, or you did, but you didn't get on well with them. If this were the case, then you would do well to learn as much as you can about how the opposite sex is different and how the other half tick. Maybe that means developing friendships, reading books, going to therapy. If you are a woman, read men's magazines, if you are a man, read women's. Anything that will help you gain more information and dispel any enigmatic qualities that you think they might hold. The more knowledge you have, the better.
3. A good match. Write down the best qualities of your father, if you are a woman and the best qualities of your mother, if you are a man. That will really give you a good indication the kind of man or woman that would be suitable for you.
4. Your internal partner. What does your internal male side think of your internal female side? Imagine you are writing down what he thinks of her and write whatever comes to your mind. Maybe he thinks she is fearful, insecure or a bit aggressive. Then when you have finished, write what your internal female side thinks of your internal male side. Maybe she thinks he's a bully, weak or thoughtless. Whatever comes to mind, write it down. Your long-term goal is that they come to really love and respect each other. Remember, whatever happens externally has to happen internally first and your goal is to feel really whole inside to help magnetize you towards a partner that is really good for you.
5. What do you want? List the qualities that are important to you in a partner. Don't make them super human, as that person doesn't exist and being unrealistic will stop you from drawing them in. So write down the top five qualities you would like and leave the rest to fate. Do you want them to be warm, loyal, honest, giving with a good sense of humor? Chose your own, but do be specific.
Think about all the different places that you might meet them. What do you imagine they might say to you? What kinds of places will you go to together and how will you feel when you are with them? The more you can imagine, the more you bring them towards you. Then let go of all your rules and regulations and let fate take it's course. Make sure you see, hear and feel someone coming in on a regular basis.
For me the most important thing was always how I would feel when I was with the person. Yes, I wrote down things that I thought I wanted to have. But really my internal barometer was about how I would feel when I was with him and when I met the man who made me feel that way, I knew I had met the one.
That's it for this week, if you would like to contact me I look forward to hearing from you at sophie@howhappyis.com.