I was crying out for help and nobody could see me.
Not at midnight when I tossed and turned. Thinking, over-analyzing, planning, not planning, getting angry, feeling hopeless, fingering my phone looking at social media, scrambling through old pictures, sending my friends text messages just to tell them I love them so I could hear, "I love you too." Nobody saw me. Not one.
Nobody saw me when I crawled into my closet to pray to God. Nobody knew when I cried because he didn't answer and I wondered if he heard my cry. Nobody saw me. Not one.
But, God did.
One day a few weeks back, I was talking to my grandmother about a particular situation that was bothering me. So much so I started crying while talking to her, a truly rare thing for me. To let someone know that I was in need. The next day I called again and before I could get a word in she said, "Dominique, you know what I want you to do, STOP HIDING!" She said to stop hiding how I feel about things just because it might hurt someone.
Crying behind this shielded exterior because I didn't know it was okay to take it down. To not fight anymore. To not do things simply to survive. To take the time to start living for real. To not become comfortable with being a victim of anything. To know I am not my insecurity, powerlessness, or pain.
So why do we hide? Hiding means to conceal or keep from view. It's a method that soldiers use in battle called camouflaging, a mechanism for protection. But, what happens when we've battled so long that we don't know the war is over. We've fought because that's the only way we knew how to live. We've hid behind being a victim and that's become our story, unable to identify ourselves without our pain. We've spent too time finding ways to protect ourselves, we don't recognize when we're blocking out what's wonderful. The interesting thing about hiding is that people always see you. They see the things you aren't saying.
We see each other, because we are each other.
Stop hiding who you are. Stop hiding your gift. Stop hiding your purpose. Stop hiding from love. Stop hiding because it hurts or it could. The only thing you protect is your greatness when you hide. Somebody somewhere wants exactly what you have to offer. Calculated, measured right to fit YOU. Absolutely no one in this world can do what you do, how you do it. And guess what? There is no perfect way to do it! There is no perfect way to get to your goals, to be you, to love. You can't set conditions on how it's supposed to be done. Just do it. Test the barriers, break a few boundaries, jump the damn hurdle if you have to even if it breaks you.
God will push you into the light.
God will not place you anywhere he is not willing to go with you. God calls us to live in the light and dwell in his love. His love is like magic, an indescribable oneness and glory. To be authentically ourselves with him is to experience the true meaning of his love. When God sees you he sees everything wonderful about you. He sees you in his likeness -- not your past, not your insecurity, nor your shame. Push past the darkness so that your light can shine. Let him see you.
It is my prayer for us that God chisels at every point that needs molding. That we let him see us in our precious vulnerability. That we never stop crying out to him. We hold on and rehearse in our hearts the word of God: "And when Jesus saw her, he called her to him, and said unto her, Woman thou art loosed from thine infirmity. And he laid his hands on her: and immediately she was made straight, and glorified God" (Luke 13:12-13 KJV)
Dominique Mack (@just_dmack) is a writer, counselor, and advocate whose vision is to help people heal through their own stories. She hails from Brunswick, GA and regularly blogs for those finding their way at: http://www.dominiquemack.com/