I used to see the stars in your eyes.
But I never imagined that one day they would fade away.
For years, we journeyed through this life and created the most beautiful memories. And no matter what, we always spoke passionately about the future that we wanted to build together.
Life with you used to be my escape.
Movies and ice cream on the couch, walks on the beach, dinners at our favorite restaurants, even just talking in bed until 4 a.m.
They've been some of the best days of my life .... seared into my memory.
Believe me, I've loved you ... more than I've loved myself. And I swear I've always put your happiness before mine.
But somewhere along this broken road I lost you.
And what has pained me the most is that you're standing right in front of me.
I never thought in my wildest dreams that a love so powerful, one that once made me buckle at my knees, would leave me crying for a way out.
I've fought, and I've fought. All so that I can feel your love again .. even if just for a moment.
But I can't fight for you anymore.
All the arguing and the disagreements; we're just not on the same page. We've become two people traveling in opposite directions, and I've been trying so desperately to alter my path so that we can meet once again on common ground.
I love you, and a piece of me always will .... but I'm just not in love with you anymore. That spark that once burned so viciously has fizzled out, and it's breaking me.
I've tried tirelessly to reignite that fire. I've spent countless nights thinking of ways to bring back those days when your eyes had that look in them.
But I've failed.
Once the best of friends sharing the deepest levels of intimacy, we've become strangers lost inside our own world. We barely touch anymore, and I rarely feel your lips against mine.
You used to be the person I'd look forward to sharing everything with. And now I recognize how little you care.
We've lost our love, and I swear I've searched high and low trying to find it. I've screamed and I've yelled, I've cried and I've begged ...
But it's gone, and I can't search for it anymore.
Yet, I hold on. Seemingly to what once was.
How do I walk away from someone I love, even though I know there's nothing left here for us?
It's like we can't escape from each other.
And while we might smile for a photo, or seem happy to friends and family around us ... nothing is the same.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I'm so tired of hurting myself. I'm tired of breaking my own heart, hoping and praying that one day you'll love me the way you once did.
Those better tomorrows that I wished for us ... I can't wish for them alone.
For years, I allowed my love for you to overpower the love I have for myself, but I can't anymore.
I'm broken ... and I want nothing more than to escape from this prison that I never asked to enter.
I remember laying in bed next to you dreaming of our future. Now I lay there, dreaming of a way out.
But I keep giving you the opportunity to disappoint me over and over again.
Maybe I need to have my heart shatter into a million different pieces. Maybe I need to have my world turned upside down, all so that I can find the person that I lost years ago trying so tirelessly to love you ...
Me.
I want to love. I want to laugh. I want to dream with someone who wants to dream with me.
I want to look at someone and see my world in their eyes, and know that I'm the most important person in their life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want to be loved the way I've loved you.
You deserve that, too.
So while the memories of what once was have seem to win each round of this pound-for-pound fight inside my head, when it's all said and done, I'll win by decision.
My own decision .... to walk away.