How I Will Make Mexico Pay for The Wall

Everywhere I go across this once-great and soon-to-be-great-again nation, my supporters ask me the same question: "How are you going to make those Mexican rapists pay for the Wall?"

Most people expect me to pay for the Wall by imposing tariffs on goods coming in from Mexico. And if I were a typical politician, maybe I would. But I'm not a politician. I'm a smart guy, a very smart guy. I've built a huge business that employs thousands and thousands of people. And remember, I don't want to build just any wall. I'm talking about a big, beautiful Wall with a big, beautiful door in it.

You are going to love this Wall. And even more than the Wall itself, you're going to love how I'm going to make Mexico pay for it.

Today, I am pleased to announce my 3-point plan to make Mexico pay for the Wall--a plan that covers everything from raw materials to labor costs to ongoing maintenance.

Phase 1: Raw Materials. Paying for the beautiful concrete slabs we need to build the Wall will be easy. I will simply launch my highly successful Trump University in Mexico and let the money roll in. Universidad Trump de México will give the citizens of Mexico the opportunity to learn first-hand the core secret of my success: How to get rich using Other People's Money (or what I call OPM). Each student will send me 600,000 pesos (approx. $35,000 USD). I get rich. And that's the entire class. I figure if I can get 10,000 students to each send me $35,000 before the Mexican authorities get wise and shut this operation down, I'll have $350 million, enough to cover all the raw materials I need. I'll even send each of my students not just a graduation certificate, but also a thank you letter for helping Make America Great Again.

Phase 2: Labor Costs. Within the first 100 Days of my Administration, the mass deportation of 12 million undocumented immigrants will begin. Inspectors will be placed aboard the trains and buses I will use to transport these former restaurant workers, farm workers, domestic workers, food industry workers, office workers, and, yes, construction workers back across our southern border. My inspectors will be looking for suitable candidates who will be offered the opportunity to gain a path to citizenship in exchange for "donating" their labor to help Make America Great Again. Once the Wall is complete, and while waiting for their citizenships to be finalized, these honest, hard-working Mexicans will be offered temporary work visas to assist in the construction of any Trump projects that have been delayed because of the worker shortages caused by my mass deportations.

Phase 3: Maintenance. Following the opening ceremony during which Melania will unveil the Wall's big, beautiful door (inlaid with the word TRUMP in gold leaf on the American side), the issue of ongoing maintenance costs must be addressed. And here's my final stroke of genius. By Executive Order (back in fashion now that Obama's out of office), I will place Sheriff Joe Arpaio in charge of enforcing a new nationwide "Papers, Please" law modeled on the one he has used so successfully in Arizona to harass minorities. The "Sheriff Joe Militia" (as it will be known) will be a heavily armed band of real Americans empowered to stop anyone who "doesn't look like they belong" and demand proof of legal residence in the United States. Anyone failing to produce the documentation will face an immediate $100 fine, a portion of which will go to the Wall Maintenance Fund, with the rest set aside to cover legal expenses for those times when the untrained volunteers of the Sheriff Joe Militia get a little too rambunctious.

That's the plan. It's terrific. If it wasn't my own plan, I might even want to date it. So rest assured, America: the Wall will be big and it will be beautiful. And, like I've said all along, Mexico will pay for it.