If you had told me three years ago that I was soon going to be seeing the love of my life every three months and that we would live 7000 km apart from each other, I would have answered that you were crazy. Not only that but I would have said that it’s not possible to sustain a romantic relationship will living on two different continents and what sane person would choose to do so? Well, me apparently…
I met my British boyfriend in Montreal while we were both living and working there. He was a serious engineer here on a contract and I was a fashionista climbing up the corporate ladder at a renowned fashion magazine. On paper, we did not fit what the other person was looking for in a romantic partner and yet, it was love at first sight. During our first date, supper turned into drinks which turned into walking in the rain and not wanting the evening to end.
Cut to two years later and our solid foundation was about to get shaken to the core.
Being very unhappy at his job, my man was contemplating doing an intensive one year master’s degree in a field he had always dreamed of working in. The catch? It was in England. When it comes to following your dreams, I will always be your biggest supporter and so I encouraged him to go back to school even though it meant letting him move across an ocean. Little did I know that one year would turn into three which brings me to the first golden rule when it comes to thriving in a LDR (long distance relationship):
LDR Golden Rule #1: Sometimes, it’s best not to know what you’re getting into, because if you did you would run for the hills.
I`ve read countless articles on long distance relationships that actually contradict this but I don’t care. It has worked for me and I find that it applies to many aspects in life from launching a business to home renovations. If we truly knew the challenge that we were about to tackle, we probably wouldn’t believe that we had the strength to climb that Everest.
LDR Golden Rule #2: You’ve gotta have faith: in yourself, your partner and life.
I was lucky with our situation as we had a good two years under our belt before my beau headed across the pond. This allowed us to really connect and most importantly establish trust between each other. I’ll be honest, if that key ingredient isn’t there when you enter a LDR, I don’t give your relationship a high probability of survival (sorry!). Being apart is difficult enough but if on top of this you are constantly fearful that your better half might be cheating, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
In addition to trusting your partner, I strongly believe in having faith in Life with a capital L. As a spiritual girl living in the material world my experiences have taught me that the sayings “everything happens for a reason” and “what’s meant to be will always find its way” actually have merit. These are more than cheesy quotes to me, they are life philosophies which guide my actions and decisions.
Without getting into too much detail about our particular situation, we’ve had ups and downs regarding how we will be able to reunite but I have complete trust that we will come together in due time. My spiritual practice has helped me tremendously with this and I would suggest that you lean on solid tools that will help you through this part of your journey (for more on this, head to the bottom of this post).
LDR Golden Rule #3: Cultivate connection and communication like your life depends on them - because your love life does.
Can I say THANK GOD FOR SKYPE?! I know there are other ways now to easily stay connected to your loved ones but back when our LDR began, Skype was our lifeline and it still is. I’m so grateful that my intuition was there to guide me even in the very beginning of this adventure and one of the things it told me was that we should speak everyday when we were apart. Yup, every-single-day.
My man later confessed that he had initially thought Skyping so often was a bit excessive but in the end he was glad I suggested it and he looks forward to our calls as much as I do. When you can’t be physically present with your bae, it’s crucial to recreate a certain routine where you can bond with each other and share some of the emotions and experiences you would in person. Text and emails can’t accomplish this as they lack true connection and leave room for misunderstandings.
LDR Golden Rule #4: Use this as your time to manifest a kick ass life
I’ve always said that true joy comes from giving proper TLC to the different areas of our life. When we base our happiness on only one pillar (like our relationship or career), we can get into big trouble if that pillar collapses. Being apart from your boyfriend or girlfriend means more free time and although there can be some lonely Saturday nights where you would just like to cuddle, it leaves you with plenty of energy to build a fulfilling life and do your inner work.
There are so many positive outcomes that probably wouldn’t have unfolded during the last three years if my romantic situation had been different. It’s not to say that I am glad my chéri is so far away but I am wise enough now to see that there is a time and place for everything and if you do end up in a long distance relationship, that creates room in your life to thrive in other areas. Of course, it’s not an easy journey but it’s one that you can find peace in if you approach it with the right mindset (and partner).
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If you are in a LDR and would like more tools to support you, I invite you to head to my blog The Red Fairy Project and read about The 5 pillars to live healthy + happy. These 5 pillars can greatly help you thrive in your long distance relationship and will contribute to your overall fulfillment and inner peace.