Before the Internet, moms met each other at Mothers' Centers, when they dropped off and picked up their kids from nursery school, at child birth classes, in their neighborhood where moms used to knock on each others' doors for coffee and a chat, and at work.
As time rolled on, depending on how chatty they were, moms also met at Starbucks, Legoland, and parenting groups at schools. Moms formed play date groups, had girls' nights out, and also met at sports if they were so inclined.
Then Came Mommy Blogs!
There are now hundreds of Mommy Blogs, so how do you choose who to link up with? Searching the web myself and starting my own blog, I've discovered that different websites and blogs attract different mommy personalities, beliefs, and discussions.
There are varied topics on the wide range of Mommy Blogs from recipes and diapers to behavior and parenting angst. Some topics are about activities and others about parent education such as child development.
Different Mommy Personalities, Interests, and Beliefs
Different bloggers invite different levels of candor and even bluntness about "real life" as a mom. Compare Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. at Parental Intelligence to Magnolia Ripkin at Blunt Moms. The vast majority of blogging moms are cordial, mind their etiquette, are nonjudgmental, supportive and kind. A few, however, are argumentative, confrontational, and intense, not my cup of tea.
Some moms are soul searching for other moms who are adjusting to the changes motherhood brings. Some mothers want to discuss husbands, partners, stay-at-home dads, working life, and being different shapes and sizes as a female.
Then there are bloggers who are in a specific country or locale and others who span the world.
How Do You Make Friends on Mommy Blogs?
Once you've settled in to your favorite blogs, you find a community. This is very much the way friend groups used to form in small geographic areas before blogging. Moms find other moms who seem to think alike and feel for each other. You even find "best friends" who you can tell the "real stuff" to who reply in a jiffy when you need it.
As Relationships Deepen
In time, you can get to know who you're talking to and to whom you can say what. Pictures and videos help you conjure up what your friend looks like which adds to the sense of knowing your new friend.
Then, certain moms begin to email so their conversations are more private than comments and replies on blog sites. These moms are focused on getting to know each other "from the inside."
The biggest shift is when you use the telephone and hear a real voice behind the written word. Now, that's making a friend. Or, you go to a mommy blogging conference and meet that friend or even fly across a country for a one-on-one meet!
Blogging Sites Have a Family Tone
Sometimes moms have kids of similar ages, though they benefit also if there's a range of ages, too. With different age kids discussed on one site, moms can look forward to what's coming and share what's gone on already with their children. This is like any family where members are of different ages.
As time flies by, which it always does when you're a mom, you discover you are not alone. This is what friendship is about. You see in your friend's face your reflection. You even mommy each other a bit.
Friends do that.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst who writes a blog, Parental Intelligence, that discusses parenting infants, children, and teens. She is also the author of the recent book, Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior found on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Familius and wherever books are sold.