HOW MUCH OF YOUR CRAP DOES YOUR PARTNER TOLERATE?

You should be patient with your partner because they probably tolerate your crap more than anyone else does. There are probably a hundred and one things that you do that do not sit well with the closest person to you, which they simply overlook in order to maintain the good relationship they have with you.

It could be the little lies you tell to make an impression on people, or the fake accent you put up now and then to make you look more sophisticated than you really are, the snoring, bad chewing habit, a silly phobia, playing music too loudly, poor dining manners, an addiction, health issues, poor fashion sense, limited exposure, limited education, lack of confidence, poor dance skills, or any other limitation that is not immediately obvious from a distance. There are always little things about us that we have no clue that others find a little annoying, which the closest person to us has to overlook every day for the sake of peace.

FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT

Have you noticed that you’re less likely to have intense emotions, either of love or hate, for people you barely interact with? The chances of developing intense feelings for a random passenger you chatted with on the train is very slim. You’re not even likely to feel intense emotions for a friend or colleague you’ve not interacted with in several months, whereas there are higher chances of getting involved in a dispute with the friend or colleague that you actively interact with every day.

The more involved you are with someone, the higher the probability of having strong emotions for them. This is because those who are closest to you are the ones who have the capability to impact your life the most, either in a good way or a bad way, hurting you or by pleasing you. It is only natural that your partner is more likely to enjoy the good side of you whilst also more exposed to your imperfections, which they have to deal with every day, except you’re of impeccable character with no blemishes. Of course, you’re not.

This is possibly what inspired French author Voltaire to say “We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other’s folly”, describing tolerance as “the consequence of humanity”.

However, for genuine peace to prevail, tolerance should be exercised by both parties. Your partner should learn to be patient with you because you tolerate most of their imperfection as well. Otherwise, you risk the chance of becoming a victim of abuse, be it physical or passive, tolerating intolerance.

WHY DO WE HURT THE ONES WE LOVE THE MOST?

Ever wondered why the spouse is usually the primary suspect in a murder case by default? That’s obviously due to the fact that the closer you are to someone, the higher the chances that you hurt them. Looking at relationships from this angle can be quite discouraging, and you might wonder if you’re better off without a partner.

Observing platonic and romantic relationships through your high school days up to your working days, you will find that platonic relationships are less likely to come to an end while romantic relationships are more prone to breakups, probably because platonic relationships require less intimacy than romantic relationships.

However, looking at relationships from an optimist’s point of view, it is better to love and be vulnerable rather than to be withdrawn and safe.

British poet Alfred Lord Tennyson says, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

In other words, to live life to the fullest, you have to take risks, you have to go through the pains to get the gains. American theologian William G.T. Shedd puts it this way: “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for”.

You need to leave your comfort zone and set a sail. You just have to be smart enough to identify the red flags and be cautious not to burn your fingers too badly, if at all.

If all of us can learn to be patient with those closest to us because we truly have no idea how much of our imperfections they put up with on a daily basis, then the world will certainly be a more peaceful place to live in.

 

 

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