Parents

How My Marriage Changed After Having Kids

I swore I would be one of those women that balanced it all, but it hasn't turned out that way.

As a young girl, I remember dreaming about the day I’d find a husband and become a mom—it was without question the most important goal of my life.

And while I ended up marrying my best friend, once our children arrived, they threw a wrench into the mix, and my perfect plans.

Basically, they changed everything.

It’s hard to admit, but as we stand right now, my marriage has taken a complete backseat to my children.

I swore I would be one of those women that balanced it all, but it hasn’t turned out that way.

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While my husband and I still schedule once a month for a date night, things definitely aren’t the same.

We used to go out to dinner several times a week. We’d massage each other’s feet every night while watching our favorite shows together, we’d go on impromptu weekend getaways, and we’d rarely argue.

Not anymore.

I’m still holding onto the hope that things will go back to the way that they once were when the kids are older, but for now, despite everything, my husband and I are both on the same page: The kids’ needs always come before our own.

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If I’m being honest, my two little kiddos have certainly brought a lot of joy into my marriage, but they also are the center of a lot of our arguments.

My husband and I argue about when they should be fed, how they should be disciplined, money management strategies, you name it.

I think half of the time that we get annoyed with each other is because we are tired.

And we’re always tired, which has affected something else in our marriage.

Intimacy has taken a major backseat.

Honestly, with two kids in the house, it’s hard to sneak in those fun and spontaneous moments that we used to have. Things are very planned out now, and it doesn’t happen as frequently.

Hey, if I can get an extra hour of sleep, I’m taking that route!

It’s not all bad news, though.

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One bright spot is that is that because our intimacy patterns have changed, my husband has become more romantic. He leaves me notes on the kitchen counter and occasionally, flowers on the table just to let me know he’s thinking of me and still loves me.

It’s nice to know that despite the arguing, lack of time, lack of sleep, and all the frustration and annoyance that parenting causes from time to time, my husband is still there for me. I’m pretty lucky to have him, and I know it.

Then, of course, there are the kids.

***

Some days, I look at them and I can’t describe how heavy my heart feels with joy. I look at my husband and just tell him, “Thank you.”

Because without him, I never would have my beautiful, funny, loving, and crazy kiddos.

There are also days I look at him and feel a totally different kind of love for him that I never knew existed.

Like when he taught our son how to tie his shoes, or when I watch them play “catch” in the yard, or even the time I caught him wearing a princess crown and having a tea party with my daughter.

Another thing I love about being married and having kids is that we always have something to do, something to talk about, and something to laugh about.

I gotta say my kids are pretty cute, and when you have a partner by your side to witness all these awesome moments, it’s a pretty great feeling.

Kate Trout is the blogger behind Maternity Glow, a parenting and pregnancy website for the rest of us. She’s a coffee addict, wine drinker, and cheese lover. Oh, and she’s also Mom to the two cutest little kids.