How Old is My Soul?

I turned 46 a few months ago and I had been feeling down. It was depressing to be in my “late 40’s” and I felt like I hadn't achieved what I really wanted. Life had been a roller coaster for the past 35 years of my life and I felt like I never got a breather. Somewhere between all those years of getting an education, going to college, getting married having children, working etc. so many years passed by. Looking back at life that had past I had no regrets or sadness just a surprise of “what the hell happened” and “ how am I so old”

The wrinkles have appeared around my eyes and its so much harder to lose weight. I get tired sooner and my hair and skin aren’t as pretty as they used to be. I constantly feel older , pulled down by the problems of life. Being pushed and pulled in every direction as a single mother who works full time and pursues her dream, has been extremely difficult.

The physical wear and tear is obvious......

Yet my soul still stays the same.

I started to think back at what had changed since I was a child. I thought of the dreams and aspirations , the hopes and ambitions I had, and strangely enough I still feel the same. Some of them were:

  • I always aspired to tell stories which continues to stay with me. Writing has always been my escape and my prayer it motivates and excites me.
  • The desire to be a good ethical person who stands up for what is right, was another objective.
  • it was difficult being a mis fit, a person who never fit the norms of society and I always thought I was weirdo. Growing up I want to be accepted and loved for my quirks and not be judged.
  • I wanted to raise good kids that were compassionate and kind
  • The need to help others and make them happy has stuck with me through out my life. I still work for a non profit and am the cofounder of another one.
  • Being respected and appreciated is another goal that always resonated with me.

All these goals still stick with me today and are even more intense then when I was a child.

So what happened? Did my physical body just age and my soul stayed young? or did they both grow and my soul just evolved into what is was supposed to be? Or do the daily stresses of life scar our souls and make us bitter and angry?

In my humble opinion I feel like we are born with the perfect soul that is filled with light. As children we don't understand the strength of our intuition or our soul telling us what is right and what is wrong. So the childlike innocent desires that we have eventually fade away leaving us with the raw, scraped hurting soul that now needs to find its way as an adult. The soul that was used to being naive is now in charge of making decisions and it picks up the pieces and continues on. I don't think our soul ever ages. I feel like I still have hope like a child and can giggle and be in awe of things just like my soul did when I was a cild. I still have hope for the future and believe that one day I will achieve what I was created for.

If you look in the eyes of a 90 year old happy healthy human being you still see the young soul shinning brightly from their eyes! So go ahead reach into yourself and pull out the soul that still has a childlike innocence and the maturity that is needed to achieve your goals.

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