Once again you find yourself with 7 pages of apps, unable to find anything in the colorful mess of logos and icons. It's time to rearrange your iPhone, for easily accessible applications. This is a short guide of how to do so:
Step 1: Erase apps you never use
There must be numerous apps you've downloaded but never use. The extra-bright flashlight that blinds everyone around, the game you were never able to pass the first stage of, or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles alarm clock app that wakes you up to Michelangelo screaming "Cowabunga." These are thing you definitely don't need and should get rid of.
Step 2: Realize you've paid good money for these apps you are about to delete
Yes, you have a point there. You should just throw away money like that. I mean, there's a reason you wanted to get these apps in the first place. Maybe it is cool to just keep some of them, just in case. If only there was a way to keep all of these but still arrange your screen to look better...
Step 3: Dump all your unused apps into a single folder
Title it "Crap."
Step 4: "The name 'Crap' is already taken. Would you like to choose a different name"?
Oh, right. You already did step 3 the last time you rearranged you home screens. In fact, there are currently 4 folders of filled with unused apps, titled "Crap," "Crap 2," "To Delete" and "Next time I'm definitely deleting these."
Step 5: Just pick another name and deal with this later.
Call the folder "Next time I'm definitely deleting these 2: Swear to God" and move on to the next step. You'll go back to it when you're done rearranging.
Step 6: Decide how to arrange your apps
What kind of order do you find more appealing? You can decide to arrange your apps by name, or color, or importance or by the frequency you use them. Whatever is most comfortable for you. Choose one, and move on to Step 7.
Step 7: Arrange your apps to spell out "Sex."
OK, very funny. But really, this will just make it harder to find what you need and...
Step 8: Arrange your apps to spell out "Boobs."
Come on, there's no way this is helping. You have to get serious, if you really want to arrange you screen you have t--
Step 9: Arrange your apps to spell out "Ménage à Trois"
Oh my god, where did you even find apps that have acute accents in their logo? If you put as much effort to arranging your screen as you do to spelling out dirty words you wouldn't need so many steps.
Step 10: Update all your applications
An important step in making your home screen neat and clean is to get rid of that red dot above your App Store logo. It says you have 31 updates to install. Let it run while you move on to the next step.
Step 11: Oh my god, there's an update to Fruit Ninja!
OK, I understand. You haven't played Fruit Ninja in a while. It has some cool new features. You've been doing a great job, you can reward yourself by playing just a bit.
Step 12: Oh god, there are updates to Diner Dash and the original Angry Birds!
alright, settle down. Everything is downloading, you can play it after you finish. All these apps will be waiting in your Arcade folder when you're done.
Step 13: How did I not know about game updates before?!
Just... please, Stop. You haven't really done anything yet, and we're already in step 13. Maybe just close the game and continue after... and yeah, you're playing Temple Run now.
Step 14: Buckle down. Press the home button and go back to work
No more games. Press the button and return to the home screen to finish your rearranging. Come on, press it. It's not working? Press harder. Not responding? Well, maybe try it with a pen or something. No? What iPhone do you have? Well, it's kind of old, maybe you should--
Step 15: Buy a new iPhone
Now your phone has no apps at all on it, because you can't remember your app store password. The home screen is now clear and neat. A job well done!