How to Be a Goddess of Love

There's nothing more desirable, universally attractive and yearned for than to love and be loved. Love is the fundamental core of our needs and desires, after all other dreams are quenched or have fallen away.

Love is a very particular gift of heart-presence and focus -- it's not a thing but an action of body, mind and soul -- a verb, not a simple noun. It's powerful and empowering, liberating yet nurturing, vulnerable yet invincible, ever young but also ancient and wise.

Embodying your inner Love Goddess isn't about adding to yourself. It's about getting out of your own way and letting her move in you and through you.


In life and in sex, focus on your own pleasure and joy as much as your partner's. It's incredibly sexy to know what you like and to be unafraid of saying so. We all appreciate guidance and feedback in sex and loving. It takes the pressure off your partner if you sometimes direct the process of pleasing you so it's not entirely up to them to thrill you. It's also generous of spirit to both you and to them.

Be a woman in the bedroom in all your emotional strength. That means respecting your partner's vulnerabilities and their need to feel accepted and cherished -- and your own. Don't ever settle. Don't be silent. Ask for what you desire and feel you need, with love and patience.

Never bow to criticism or sink into being judgmental in love. It's unsexy and it's hard work to dig yourself out of it and get back to loving again.

Take the attitude that your entire relationship can be foreplay when you're not actually having sex - a beautiful idea from therapist Esther Perel. That doesn't mean everything is always explicitly sexual between you -- not at all -- sometimes that isn't appropriate. What I mean by foreplay is your attitude to one another; that a sense that fun, touching, pleasurable experiences and being generous and caring are always your top priorities.

Feed your erotic world -- make it a beautiful place to go to together. Dress up occasionally to suit your body, to turn yourself on and turn your partner's head to a new aspect of you.

If you're into it, take some sexy, (well-lit) arty photos of yourself to look at together as foreplay (just don't leave the files lying around -- this is sacred stuff not soulless porn). Don't show your face if you want mystery -- focus on your favorite body parts if that works for you. See how they look in black and white -- nudes can be stunning in monochrome.

Bring music into your bedroom. Make a playlist of tracks that inspire you and share with your partner about why you chose those tracks. Invite them to do the same some time soon and give you some different insight into their inner life.

Talk. Outside the bedroom and in; talk about sex to both gather information about what your partner's loving right now and to turn yourselves on in preparation for next time you're intimate.

Always voice your thoughts of admiration, devotion, trust and pleasure -- don't hold back -- this isn't a rehearsal, it's the real thing -- your life, your love.

Above all else -- Just BE the love that you ARE.

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