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How to Carve a Thanksgiving Turkey in Under Six Minutes

My husband took on the task with great honor. He smoked his turkey until it was almost black.
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I was born to a turkey carver and I married a turkey carver. Call it Darwinian good luck or God saving me for something better, like blogging. Even though my dad was a master carver, I am not. I did not get that gene and I don't care. I can roast the turkey, mash the potatoes and make my own pie crust. The carving, well, I just can't hang with the big dogs when it comes to knives.

Last Thanksgiving, I boasted about my predicament: I can't carve but my husband can. So much so, our Thanksgiving host read my braggy blog about my husband's skill and gratefully turned over the knife. I sat back and sipped champagne with my friends. It was beautiful to watch hubby work. My friends thought so too, gasping in awe at every jab or slice of a knife. He separated the light meat from the dark, legs and wings earned a separate platter too. "Stripped to the bone" described the naked carcass left behind. Neither crows nor vultures would bother to investigate, not even a turkey vulture. (My scientific son says that is a silly statement. "Exactly," I say.) Scavenger birds look for the good stuff, hoping for easy pickings like the leftovers after my handiwork. We were meant to be, my husband and me: He carving the turkey and me holding a glass of bubbles.

"You should make a video," our friends suggested. So this year we did, or rather my husband and oldest son made the step-by-step turkey carving lesson. Hubby and I shopped for an organic turkey after our Friday night sushi. (Organic Man walks the talk even on a practice bird.) We were not the only ones on a date at Whole Foods. We ran into another couple, horrified to see us lugging around a 12 lb. turkey six days before Thanksgiving.

"You're buying a turkey now?!?" the wife exclaimed with her husband by her side.

We explained about the how-to video and the need for a turkey, for video's sake. They both looked intrigued. The husband relieved.

My husband took on the task with great honor. He smoked his turkey until it was almost black. If we are going to eat pre-Thanksgiving turkey, it better be EXCELLENT. He's not messing around. My older son was the director and videographer. The two got along famously. Hubby carved up an organic demo turkey in one take; he's that awesome.

Please enjoy: How To Carve A Turkey in Less Than Six Minutes, by Hubby. Share the love with friends; everyone is entitled to a beautifully carved turkey.

Results from Thanksgiving 2013:

All Photos are original work and owned by Francie Low

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