Do the same thoughts keep rummaging through your mind, and not in a productive way? In midlife, we can become preoccupied with bothersome thoughts as we go through our busy work and home obligations. Like an annoying tune stuck in your head, these thoughts just won’t go away. It’s time to do some decluttering, and here’s how.
First, some background. This process of going over and over the unproductive and distressing thoughts in your mind is called rumination. Manhattan College’s Kelly Marin and University of Wisconsin’s Elena Rotondo (2017) studied rumination in relation to stress, and found that- no surprise- they’re linked. As the authors point out, though, rumination should be separated from reflection. You can definitely learn from reflecting about how you could have handled a negative interaction or situation more successfully. Perhaps you lost your temper when talking to your kids or your partner, or shot an angry look- quite inadvertently- at a coworker. Next time, you’ll do some self-editing before letting these unpleasant reactions slip out.
It’s when self-reflection turns to rumination that the process becomes toxic. As Marin and Rotondo define it, rumination involves a triple whammy of brooding, self-criticism, and negative emotions. When you blame yourself eternally for shooting that dirty look which you didn’t mean to do, this constant self-blame will erode your well-being. Their study, in which college students recorded their stressful experiences over a 3-day period, shows just how dysfunctional the rumination process can be. When they brooded constantly, their self-esteem fell accordingly. Engaging in self-critical rumination led them to feel more distressed about their very identities. These effects were shown in only 3 days. The impact is far worse when the rumination takes place over weeks, months, or even years as you go over and over the way that you could have behaved differently with those you love or work with.
How, then, can you clean out those disturbing thoughts from your stream of consciousness? Telling yourself to stop thinking these thoughts can only make you more aware of them. The white-bear effect in cognitive psychology states that the more you try to drive a thought or image out of your head (such as a white bear) the more that image penetrates your consciousness.
Instead of trying to shove those negative thoughts out of your mind, there’s a better way is to accept your constant inner monologues. University of Nevada Reno’s Sunjin Im and Florida Institute of Technology’s Victoria Follette (2016), asked undergraduates to recall recent events so stressful they were traumatic, such as life-threatening accidents or assaults. The students then rated themselves on current psychological symptoms such as repeated, disturbing memories or images. In general, those young adults with more trauma-related symptoms indeed engaged in more rumination. However, they could counteract the negative effect of rumination by accepting their disturbing thoughts and then letting them float away, while at the same time focusing their mental energy on their current experiences. This strategy, known as mindfulness, may very well be your best mental housecleaning tool.
Here’s how to put mindfulness to work in decluttering your ruminative, unproductive thoughts. When you get home from a frustrating day at work, the mindfulness approach would suggest that you concentrate on your household tasks. Focus on making nice flat folds as you put your laundry away. While you’re vacuuming the carpet, really look at what you’re sweeping in and how clean you’re making it. If those annoying little thoughts from your unhappy work day float into your head, you can recognize their presence, accept the fact that they’re going to float there, and notice them without reacting. Then you can go back to the task at hand with your mind free to attend to that task, and not the white bear in your head.
Mindfulness is a broad concept with many applications to mental and physical health. Being aware of your thoughts and experiences can combine with neutralizing the negative ones to take their emotional impact away. You can clean out the clutter and, in the process, free your midlife mind for attending to the things that really matter.